Tom English: 'It was as if the entire country had never seen a player dive'

Published on Saturday 4 September 2010 13:34

Whatever it was - a "cheat row", a "captain's blast", a "bitter verbal battle" or something that was, in reality, a little less incendiary - it was interesting to revisit the Saulius Mikoliunas diving scandal last week.

While on international duty in Kaunas, Darren Fletcher and the winger formerly known as Miko got dragged back in time to 2007 and an infamous spot of simulation at Hampden. Whenever anybody in this part of the world thinks of dirty divers nowadays, the Lithuanian never far from the top of the list, the very embodiment of Johnny Foreigner and his cheating ways.

You'll remember the incident. Or if you don't remember it from the time then you'll have become familiar with it since. There's even a chance that you've played some version of the Miko Morality Test.

Q Miko dives to win a penalty in an effort to get his team to Euro 2008. Do we (a) Recoil in horror at his disgraceful deception, (b) Get highly indignant about the message this sends out to our children or (c) Call for a lengthy ban and public humiliation.

A All three, in a splutter-fest of moral outrage.

Now, part II.

Q James McFadden dives to win a penalty in an effort to get his team to Euro 2012. Do we (a) Forgive him because he probably didn't mean to dive, not really, not our Faddy, he's not "that type of player" (b) Salute him because, even if he did dive, it shows the heroic lengths he was prepared to go to in order to get Scotland back in a major championship, or (c) Deal with allegations of gross national hypocrisy by saying that, "Yes, perhaps there is an element of inconsistency here, but you know what, these things tend to even themselves out over the years and we were due a break so button it pal, or trzymac buzie na klodke as they say in Poland, which, incidentally, is where the Tartan Army, in all its beery magnificence, is now headed thanks to the genius of the Fadiator'"

A All of the above, and with incredible gusto.

I never knew Mikoliunas while he was playing in Scotland. I never thought much of him as a player, to be honest. Skilful, sure, but he had a big yellow streak running through him from top to toe. I remember asking one of his former managers at Tynecastle what he thought of Miko and the ex-boss responded by shaking his head, pointing to his heart and then grabbing his testicles. It confirmed my opinion of the Lithuanian; that he was somewhat lacking in the guts and cojones department.

Saying that, I've always had sympathy for him over this diving episode at Hampden. When he tumbled, quite ludicrously it can't be denied, it was as if the entire country had never seen a player dive before. The fury raged all over the place; on radio, in newspapers, in whatever stadium Hearts were playing. The "cheat" got it in the neck everywhere he went.I'm sure some Hearts people were trying to stick up for him at this point, trying to point out that the simulation plague might have infected a few high-profile Scots as well as a hapless patsy of a Lithuanian, but nobody was of a mind to listen. Miko was the one true con man in the SPL and, boy, was he reminded of it.

Three years have passed. Long time. No doubt, Miko thought that the Hampden incident was all water under the bridge. Had he pondered it deeply over the last few weeks, he might have come to the conclusion that, after what Allan McGregor did against Hibs, no visiting Scot would have the audacity to raise the diving issue all over again, not now they know - shock, horror - that they also cheat to try and gain an advantage.

Since Miko? Lots of others have followed and some of them were in the Scotland squad in Lithuania. McGregor, obviously. At least Mikoliunas had the decency to apologise for what he did whereas the Rangers keeper hasn't yet been man enough to open his mouth on the subject. Perhaps he should let his girlfriend do it for him. She doesn't seem as bashful when it comes to talking to the media.

That same day at Hampden in 2007, Garry O'Connor took an easy tumble in the visitor's penalty area and we didn't say a whole lot about it. "Big Garry, eh? What a klutz, tripping up like that". Kirk Broadfoot was yellow-carded for diving against Kilmarnock in November 2008, Kris Boyd was booked for the same reason against Queen of the South in September 2009. Steven Whittaker was booked for diving against St Mirren in January of this year and Lee McCulloch was done for simulation against St Mirren in March. That's just current Scotland members we're talking about.

Now, some of these bookings might have been harsh. This column has always held the view that there are ought to be degrees of simulation, just like there are degrees of fouling. There should be a sliding scale. At one end: a dive in search of a free-kick or a penalty. Yellow card. And at the other end, with a straight red card the immediate sanction? A dive designed to get another player sent-off.

Mikoliunas dived, got banned, apologised, then had opprobrium dumped on his head for years. McGregor? No yellow card, no suspension, no apology. Just a few days of grief and back to normal. Now you tell me, who's the bigger villain?