Tom English: 'Do you know what Tiger Woods needs to say? Nothing. It says so in the law'

Published on Tuesday 1 December 2009 21:34

COME on Tiger, confess. Tell all. Reveal the sordid details of your affair with that New York City party girl. Open your heart, dude. Shed some tears, if you have 'em.

• Tiger Woods, pictured with wife his Elin, has said little about last week's car accident outside his home that required him to receive hospital treatment. Picture: Getty

What happened that night at home with Elin? She found out, right? She started beating up on you. Went 'ghetto'. Smacked you about and scratched your face. Goddamn. You tried to flee in your Cadillac. She came after you with a golf club. Smashed your back windscreen to smithereens. Forced you into the fire hydrant and the tree and then on the front page of every newspaper in the world and on to every gossip website in cyberspace.

That's what happened, is it not? So why not say so, man? There are commentators all over the planet who believe you've got a moral obligation to come clean about what went down in Isleworth; that you've got to be true to your fans – the ones who've put you up there on that pedestal. Are you really a love rat? Is your wife really a crazed woman? Are you sorry? Is she? What do you say, Tiger? Do it for the sake of the fans. Shed some light.

OK, stop. Do you know what Woods needs to say? Nothing. Zero. Diddly squat. He doesn't have to talk to the Florida State Patrol and do you know why? Because it says so in the law. He hasn't been charged with anything. Yet.

So he's entitled to turn them away from his door three days running, as he has done. If they think he's got a case to answer then they'll draw up the paperwork and they'll be back, and then, and only then, will he have to supply some answers. In the meantime, why would he want to voluntarily invite the police into his family life? Why would he want to tell an officer about any difficulties he might be having in his marriage right now when he doesn't have to?

Because you know what could happen, don't you? State patrolman Loosetongue would promise discretion and confidentiality and, within a day of hearing the Woods' family saga from the central characters, TMZ.com would get a tip-off. Before you could scream 'Exclusive!' they'd be running the inside story of how Woods ended up unconscious on the road, citing a source "close to the investigation".

Woods sure as hell doesn't have to say anything to the media either. Commentators all over the place are asking/pleading/demanding that he explain the bizarre events of Saturday morning. It's this confessional thing that Americans love. Kobe Bryant and all that. Get yourself in front of a television camera, admit you done wrong, sob your heart out and throw yourself at the good mercy of the nation.

Pardon me, but yuck.

If there's turbulence in his marriage what business is it of ours? If Woods and his wife had a domestic, let them sort it out.

There is a voyeurism going on here that is unpleasant and hypocritical. We're seeing the worst of some people in this vexed business. A thirst for scandal is being dressed up as a pursuit of truth. People want to know what happened, not because it is in the public interest, but because of a naked hunger for gossip, particularly gossip about one of the most glamorous couples in the world. All this stuff about 'he owes it to his fans to come clean' is duplicitous garbage. Let's be honest. We would like to know if Tiger is screwing around and we'd really like to know if that was the source of what happened in the early hours of last Saturday morning.

Forget "Tiger's a role model and he should tell the truth". That's the rationale of the scandalmonger. Most of us have a bit of that in us. But we should be sincere enough to admit it rather than pretending to be concerned about what impact this will have on Tiger fans all over the world. The reason Woods is keeping schtum is because of what impact this might have on his family and, of course, on his corporate brand. If he wants to make a horrendous situation a whole lot worse, then he calls a press conference and does a mea culpa. The world would be delighted, of course. Ever since he became a star, Woods has been indefatigable. Mentally, he's one of the most unyielding sportsmen there has ever been. He gives nothing away. He is unbreakable.

Well, this is our chance to break him down, to demand that he shows us he's not just a great golfer but a vulnerable human, a guy with some of the same frailties as the rest of us. We want the honesty and, with any luck, the tears. But Woods isn't playing ball. And he's right. He is leaving the world alone in its prurience while he, presumably, goes about addressing matters in his own marriage, privately.

Look, this column is no great fan of certain aspects of Woods' personality, but half the world seems to have turned into a reporter for the National Enquirer in the last few days, and it's pretty ugly. Woods can be petulant on the golf course. He swears, he spits, he throws clubs from time to time. A little while ago he flung his driver to the floor on the tee-box and it bounced up and into the gallery beside him. He never apologised for almost injuring somebody. He didn't do it, because he has an unpleasant streak in him. He's a bit of a brat on occasion.

And he doesn't really care what Joe Public makes of him, because, if he did, he'd do the Phil Mickelson thing and sign the autographs and pose for the pictures and shake the hands that are offered to him. Mickelson likes to be loved, but Woods has no great interest in that. Respect, yes. Adored, he can take it or leave it. The image he cares is about is the one that appeals to sponsors, the one that brings him lots and lots of money, and there is no sign of any of the big corporations leaving him because of this.

Nor should they. The Florida Highway Patrol have little on him, it seems. Last night he was slapped with a traffic ticket for careless driving but that would look to be the extent of it.

As for his moral obligation to explain what is going on in his private life? He doesn't have one. You might think he does and you might well think bad of him for not confessing. And do you know what? He doesn't give a damn.

Duffy more 'Knighton' than shining armour

SINCE the moment Graham Duffy, the Florida businessman, was mooted as the potential saviour of Rangers I've been having flashbacks of Michael Knighton's dalliance with Manchester United many years ago. The only difference between Knighton's failed bid to take over at United and Duffy's supposed attempt to install a fans-led nirvana at Ibrox is that at least Knighton got himself on to the hallowed turf at Old Trafford for a spot of keepy-uppy.

I'd wager that the mysterious Duffy doesn't even get that far.

We're learning now about Duffy's labyrinthine business affairs and the many unanswered questions that go with them.

The more we hear about liquidated companies under his umbrella, the more Rangers people are entitled to wonder why he is being seriously considered as a rescuer-in-waiting. I fear that the Duffy route leads to nothing more than a cul-de-sac.