Tom English: Deja vu strikes again as the tries just don't materialise

Published on Saturday 21 March 2009 19:02

EVER had a deja vu moment in your life, a surreal experience that convinces you, with absolute certainty, that you've seen a set of events unfold before, somehow, somewhere? Twickenham yesterday was like Murrayfield last week, only the colours were different. Everything else, been there, seen it, heard it again and again and again.

Frank Hadden was true to type in the aftermath. A meandering whinge-fest, an epic moan about Scotland's lack of preparation time compared to everyone else. As if that is the be-all and end-all of his problems. "We were as well prepared as we could possibly be," said Hadden. "It's not a level playing field." He went on. And on. The world was conspiring against poor old Frank, the authorities to blame for denying him extra training sessions. It was cringe-making.

"With 10 minutes to go there was a really special upset on the cards," declared the coach. No there wasn't. Any Scot who thought a win was in the offing must have been on the happy juice. There were moments when you thought it might be close but as soon as that hope reared its head, England landed a drop goal and a try and it was put to bed.

He bemoaned "elementary errors" and an inability to convert chances into tries. Deja vu, you see? Scotland began at a clattering pace and took the lead. That's what they've been doing of late. They come steaming up the tunnel and set the agenda early on, horsing into the contact zones. There were casualties. Phil Vickery staggered off a bewildered soul muttering 'wibble, wibble' as he went. Somebody did him, maybe. Some dark deed in the tight involving a boot or a fist or both. Harry Ellis was taken away on a stretcher, a victim of a mistimed tackle in a crash-ball situation with Simon Danielli. Fire and brimstone. All very predictable, all very commendable, all very arrgghh!

The drama unfolded like a bad soap you can't help watching. You could see the plot lines coming a mile off. Scotland playing with pace created openings. And failed to execute. They turned England over and Thom Evans seized on the loose ball, scampered down the wing with Toby Flood beaten in his slipstream and the smell of the whitewash in his nostrils when Ugo Monye appeared from another dimension to barrel him into touch.

Oh dear Lord, 11 minutes gone and the flashbacks were coming. Evans put into touch on the left with a try beckoning this week, Evans put into touch on the left with a try beckoning last week. We'd seen this movie before.

Sure as fate, England scored soon after. The English pack went through a dozen phases before Monye pounced for the opening try. Shortly after, they went through a dozen more and almost scored again. This exhausted the visitors, draining them of life as they had to make a mountain of hits in the first half – 71 in all. When all you're doing is making tackle upon tackle there is a tendency for your brain to turn to mush. You become a rugby gimp.

Scotland conceded again, a dopey try to give away, handed to England courtesy of a Scottish lineout that went all wrong and a finish from Riki Flutey.

And as if we didn't get the way of things, a chance for the visitors just after, a break from Blair, a big surge that put him one on one with Delon Armitage. Blair looked right and found the unappealing sight of Ally Dickinson, the loosehead prop shadowed by a white shirt. He looked left but Danielli was behind play. Blair took the hit from Armitage and the chance went. Other teams find a way of taking these chances. Scotland? It doesn't happen.

At half time it seemed the record books would be challenged. Scotland had a right to be out on their feet after an hour and half of Twickenham must have been expecting floodgates to open. Instead, Scotland had a rally with three Paterson penalties that brought the gap down to six. But hope passed quickly.

Hadden's boys were finished off with a try from Mathew Tait. A try. That lesser spotted phenomenon in the Scotland ranks. No tries here, no tries last week. Same old, same old. A team with no tries is like a mountaineer with no boots. Try climbing Everest in your slippers. It's easier than trying to win Test matches with no touchdowns.

"It's a very flat changing room," said Hadden. Did he intend to carry on? Did he still want the job? "There's a period of reflection now. A review process. It's half an hour since the finish of the match and I'm not thinking about that. There's time for that in the near future."

He said his team is making progress but "we have a squad capable of extraordinary progress." Then he started banging on about injuries and Regulation Nine and groans and gripes. Everybody switched off. We won't have to listen to this much longer.