Scottish Football Briefing 20th July

Published on Friday 20 July 2007 11:28

Aberdeen

I met a man at the weekend, who, on learning that I do this for what I like to laughably refer to as a living, insisted that I send any Aberdeen gossip to him. He also revealed that Jimmy Calderwood is a right laugh, which shocked me a tad, but then I had been drinking. Anyway, this is the best I can manage at the moment. Michael Hart wants a new contract and he wants it before the start of the new season. Here he is chattering away to the Aberdeen Evening Express: “Ideally I would like to get everything wrapped up before the start of the season so I can concentrate on playing. We’re away to Egypt on Monday for 12 days so I’d like to get something sorted out when we’re over there. Willie (I’m presuming Miller, but it could be Whitelaw for all I know) said he would get back to me in the next couple of weeks so that could be anytime soon.” Or in the next few weeks. It depends what you call soon really. Four o’clock is soon, three weeks on Tuesday is a while off. Footballers and time, natural enemies.

Hang on, there’s more here. The Dons have teamed up with Egyptian crack side Al Ittihad. Some sort of partnership deal whereby Aberdeen get the Egyptian’s best players and Al Ittihad get…well something great too. A shot on the ferry to Shetland or something. Here’s Al Ittihad director Sherif Ibrahim: “We can send the best talent to Aberdeen for our benefit. We are seeking Aberdeen’s help to establish a more professional structure to make us the leading side in Egypt.” He added this: “We are the eyes of Africa and there are many players as talented as Mido, but they must be developed.” For the love of god man, you might at least have finished developing Mido before you moved onto the next one. I’ve seen him play. Lordy.

Celtic

Would someone please just hurry up and buy Freddy Adu so we can all see what the fuss is about. Apparently Celtic are fighting it out with everyone’s favourite footballing aristocrats Tottenham for his signature. So if either of them could just get a move on and let us have a swatch at him, all to the better. Here’s his agent Richard Motzkin on the thorny matter: “Celtic are coming out for the MLS All-Stars game and I’ll be there. My sole reason for going isn’t to speak to Celtic – but some might say it would be a good time to talk. Freddy has always said he wants to go to Europe and any player would have a lot of respect for a club like Celtic.” What I find most baffling is that he’s still apparently only 18. He’s been about forever. It won’t do.

Sean Maloney back to Celtic? Seriously? I know he’s not exactly set the world on fire at Villa but there’s no way he’d go back to the Hoops after six months in the midlands. His agent agrees with me as well, which is only right and proper. Say hello to John Halliwell: “There is always talk about Shaun because he is a talented player but this is completely made up. All this talk about Shaun being unhappy is news to me but there’s nothing in it. The last conversation I had with Celtic was in January.” To be fair, there’s not always talk about Shaun. I for one went for a couple of jars on Monday and not once did we talk about Shaun Maloney. Ok we did, but just for a little bit.

Dundee United

There’s not a huge amount going on at Tannadice, as per their usual policy. The best I can glean at the moment is that a brace of strikers they had on trial won’t be getting deals. And the lucky/unlucky (delete as applicable) pair are Jani Sturm and Marc-Eric Guei. Here’s Craig Levein: “Neither showed enough to convince me that a longer stay was warranted and both have been told so. It’s disappointing, but it’s important we get the right player for this role.” Indeed, after all Gary Player would be rubbish. He’s 71 years-old for one and I believe he may also be a golfer.

Falkirk

Here’s a strange one. The Bairns have bagged someone from Barcelona B. Which is not only alliterative but also quite exciting. Sadly, he’s not coming directly from the Nou Camp, but rather on loan from Sunderland. Which rather puts a dampener on things. But Yogi is refusing to be downcast, here he is on the new man Arnau Riera: “He has a great pedigree and impressed us. It shows the standard of players we want here. Arnau is a fantastic football player and I am delighted to have secured his signature. He passes the ball well and I think everyone, including my players, were very impressed with him in Holland. We researched his background extensively before he joined up with us and I have yet to find anyone who has a bad word to say about the lad, either in terms of ability or character.” Not a bad word? Ok, I’ll start you off. He was at first division Sunderland for a year and only managed to play three times. How’s that?

The Bairns are shipping John Stewart off to St Johnstone on loan after he managed a magnificent no goals following his move from Aberdeen last season. We best turn to John Hughes: “I’m hoping John can take advantage of this and prove to us he can do a job. Nothing would please me more than to take him back in January, an improved and better player.” It turns out that John didn’t go on the preseason tour either, as he was being punished for a ‘breach of discipline’.

Gretna

They can’t make up their minds what they’re up to at Raydale Park. Is Rowan Alexander still the manager? Is Davie Irons the man in total control? Am I the manager? Shouldn’t I have at least been warned? What on earth shall I wear? And other confusion. All we know so far is that Mr Irons will be leading the club into their bold single season in the SPL. But as to the future of Rowan Alexander, they just won’t say. Here’s operations manager Craig Mileson with a holding statement that’s fooling no-one: “Davie will be in charge for the new season along with Mick Wadsworth. We cannot say anything about Rowan at the moment.” Go on, try, give it a shot.

Do Gretna have a nickname? I should probably find that out. Anyway, their manager who isn’t their real manager yet, Mr Irons, is giving it the big one about their new Uruguayan character Fabian Yantorno. Here he is now, pretending he’s not going to be the new manager: “Fabian has played for both Uruguayan Under-20 and Under-19 teams so he’s obviously got something about him.” A Uruguayan passport for one thing. There’s more: “If Fabian can come in and do a job for us he might attract some interest. If that means him moving to a Premiership club then it shows he’s done well here.” And you’ll have a few bob and all. Lovely.

Hearts

Everything’s fine at Hearts, no reason to panic. Put down that newspaper and forget all you’ve heard about the players complaining at Eduard Malofeev’s training. It’s a lie. How do I know this? Why assistant manager Stephen Frail has said so, and as he has no vested interest I can see no reason why he’d not be revealing the complete truth. Here he is clearing everything up for us: “It must be a different camp. You could have the best coach in the world and they would still moan, especially in the heat. I used to do it myself as a player, but it is nothing that won’t be happening at every other club now.” Well that’s ok then, because I’m sure I read interviews with Craig Gordon and Michael Pospisil making fairly serious complaints. I must have dreamt it. Along with everyone else that reads newspapers.

Hibernian

Stephen Glass has made his move to Dunfermline permanent. Even turning down a move to St Mirren to go and lark about in Fife. Stephen Kenny has little business being quoted in the Hibs section, but I’m feeling frisky so I’m going to allow it: “He’s coming here to help us win the First Division. He’s turned down a club in the Premier League to sign for us because he enjoyed his football here. I think he will be an asset for the season ahead.” I’d forgotten that Stephen Glass used to be at Newcastle. I was quite alarmed when I remembered that.

There will be no Hibs deal for Cameroonian defender Thierry Gatheussi, and it’s not for want of effort on the part of John Collins. The 25 year-old had a trial with the Hibees, Johnny wanted to sign him and the ungrateful swine turned him down. Here’s John: “The deal is dead – it’s disappointing it took so long for him to reply, but that’s football. We have a couple of trialists for the same position coming in, so we’ll move on and see how they do.” You do that John. You’re too good for him anyway John. Plenty more defenders in the sea. It fades over time you know…the pain.

Inverness CT

After weeks of vacillation and hesitation Inverness Caley have signed Romanian striker Marius Nicolae on a two year deal. The word on the mean streets of Inverness is that the club has ‘shattered’, that’s SHATTERED, their wage structure to bag him. Charlie ‘le renard’ Christie is certainly pleased, as we can see here: “This is a big signing for us, to bring in someone with 26 international caps. Marius played in the Bundesliga last season, so he clearly has the quality.” Yes well, technically he did play in the Bundesliga, but his club Mainz finished 16th and were relegated. Hang on though, there’s more, here’s club chairman Alan Savage: “My company does business in Romania and Nikulae was recommended. When Charlie was shown the DVD of the player in action, he immediately said he’d love to get him.” Uh huh, uh huh. I remember John Gregory signing Bosko Balaban based on a video, roaring success he was, roaring. I’m being mean, I’m sure he’ll be revelation.

Kilmarnock

Gordon Greer’s for the off it would seem, all set to join Doncaster Rovers after turning down a new deal at Rugby Park. Apparently the defender’s new wife wanted to move back to England. Which is all well and good, but has she ever been to Doncaster?

Jim Jefferies has finally realised what everyone else has known for the last 312 years, Steven Naismith is leaving. Chin up Jim, they all leave the nest eventually. Here he is coming to terms with it all: “I’ve resigned myself to the fact Stephen is going. Whether is takes a few days or a few weeks, we don’t know. If Rangers do agree a fee then I think he would go there. I would be very happy to have him here for next season, but we can’t hold the boy back. To suggest there’s any effect on the squad is sheer and utter nonsense.” Well not quite, you’ll be one Steven Naismith light for one thing.

Motherwell

There will be no deal for Polish trialist Adam Czerkas after he failed to impress Mark McGhee and his Motherwell cohorts. There may, however, be better news for goalkeeper Robert Gubiec who’s to be given another chance to bag himself a contract. Here’s Mark making his very first appearance in these electric pages: “The centre forward was not what we are looking for. And the keeper we will be discussing again to decide if we want another look at him before the season starts.”

The Steelmen are thinking of linking up with Crystal Palace in one of those complicated player/experience/pointless exercises. But there’s one Palace player that won’t be pitching up at Fir Park, Lewis Grabban. Whoever he may or may not be. Here’s Eagles boss Peter Taylor to tell us more: “I’ve been speaking to Mark (McGhee I should imagine, could be Thatcher) and he was asking about some of our youngsters. But we were not talking about Lewis. I think the experience of last year has made him even more determined to try to get into the team.” Oooooh I wonder what happened last year.

Rangers

It’s looking very like Rangers will be up against Montenegran powerhouses Zeta in the qualifying round of the Champions League. They were beating Kaunas 3-1 while the Bears were losing 1-0 to Hannover in Germany. Here’s Big Walter with his views on the preseason encounter: “We were very pleased to get this game. We have a Champions League game in two weeks time and so we are trying to reach a competitive level of fitness. We’ve now reached the levels of fitness desired so that the focus over the next week will be on the games rather than on the players’ fitness. We are disappointed to lose to a deflected goal, but that wasn’t the main objective of the match.” I’d hope not, as it would be a difficult objective to meet.

St Mirren

The Buddies have a new general manager. No, I don’t know what they do either. But from now on, the man doing all those general things that require managing by a dedicated individual will be Brian Caldwell. He used to be general manager at Ayr United, so presumably he knows what’s expected of him. Here he is anyway: “I actually had a bad time over the way I left Ayr United. It kind of soured it all for me. After giving the club everything for 10 years, I was made redundant on the week I was going to get married.” The swines. There’s more: “But, obviously, when St Mirren came to me and asked if I would be interested in the post, I said yes.” Well you would, you didn’t have a job.

First Division

John McGoldrick has been released by the mighty Jags after he apparently failed to live up to expectations. I’m not sure what those expectations were but I do know he singularly failed to meet them.

My mother purports to support Queen of the South, lord alone knows why as she’s from Epsom in Surrey, but nonetheless she’s a dyed in the wool Doonhamer. She will therefore be thrilled to know that they’re on the verge of signing Neil McGowan and Robert Harris subject to medicals and all that jiggery pokery. McGowan’s a defender who used to be at Airdrie and Harris is a full back from Clyde. These are the facts. I hope you’re satisfied mother.

Second Division

Stuart Noble and Willie Soutar have appeared at Airdrie, so that’s great news for all. To my knowledge Stuart Noble used to play for Fulham, but then Putney and North Lanarkshire are very similar in that they’re both on Earth. Willie Soutar was at Motherwell, so presumably he knows what he’s getting himself into.

Raith Rovers have snapped up Andy Tod, who must be at least 106 by now. Oh hang on, he’s 35. Here’s John McGlyn to tell us more: “We have been tracking Andy for some time and I know the signing will be worth waiting for.” Well you’ve waited long enough, so let’s hope so.

Third Division

All go down at the Rock with Ryan Russell arriving from Morton and Robert Campbell joining up from Kilmarnock. It’s the best move you’ll ever make lads. There’s nothing quite like the sensation of 1000 Sons fans instantly turning against you when you make the slightest mistake.

Jamie McKenzie has given up being a manager to return to Albion Rovers as a player. He was caretaker manager at Elgin City for a wee while you see, despite only being 26. Impressive.

Premiership

I appear to be massively out of touch with the Premiership. Last month I was confidently predicting Fernando Torres would be pitching up at Old Trafford and then Liverpool go and sign him. For what it’s worth, I think he’ll be dreadful for Liverpool. A huge waste of money. I also think it’ll be a terrible move for the player, but then I’m naturally cheery.

What else? Well not a lot really. Arsenal are supposedly after Nicolas Anelka, as if once wasn’t enough for them. There’s talk that Gabriel Heinze will buy himself out of his contract with Man Utd and then sign on a free for Liverpool in exchange for 7 million in his back bin.

Errrrrr…Spurs are desperately trying to tie up a deal for Shaun Wright-Phillips and complete the deal for Kevin Prince-Boateng from Hamburg. And West Ham are still acting like someone’s given them a fiver and told them to get as much pick n mix as they can in the next 15 seconds.

Best Laid Claims

The weekly ones should be starting soon. But I’m going on holiday soon, so no holding of breath.