Scottish Football Briefing 18th May

Published on Friday 18 May 2007 11:22

Aberdeen

Craig Brewster will be staying on at Aberdeen for another six months. Well that seems to be what he’s told Jimmy Calderwood. I’m not sure James had much say in the matter.

Sadly Brewster could do nothing to keep the Dons from going down at Celtic, thus ensuring Aberdeen must beat Rangers at the weekend to be sure of UEFA Cup qualification. So that should in no way be bloodsoaked battle royale of chaos and wounding then. But still, Jimmy “sorry Craig I never meant it” Calderwood thought his charges could have done better at Paradise. “I don’t know who got man of the match but I would imagine that their keeper wasn’t far away. It was a great penalty save from Boruc. Jamie didn’t miss-hit it, he hit it right in the corner with power but he is a big lad. I don’t think I have come to Parkhead and created so many chances and not won the game. We had the best chances.” One point Jimmy, you created no chances, your players did that. You sat in the dug out and went puce.

Jackie McNamara is all but a Dons player it would seem. His dad seems to think so anyway: “I think the move to Aberdeen is set in concrete. He hasn’t passed his medical yet, but I think Jackie’s given his word to Jimmy Calderwood, and I’m looking forward to seeing him back in the SPL.” But then what do parents know, mine for instance believe I’m a consultant surgeon living in rural Herefordshire with my wife, two children and a labrador called Trotsky.

Oh and there will be no move for Ferrie Bodde after the player’s agent apparently confused Aberdeen for a team willing to pay a transfer fee for his charge. Just look at this, it’s amusing from Calderwood: “The player’s agent told us Bodde was being released. Then he came back claiming there would be a fee and other clubs were interested. I have no time for stuff like that.”

Celtic

Despite my insistence, my absolute stone cold certainty, that Scott Brown would be moving to Rangers he’s gone and thrown us all a curveball and signed for those plucky underdogs Celtic. With the 4.4 million deal all done and dusted, the Hibee said he was delighted to join ‘one of the biggest names in football’. Which is nonsense since Gottu Attrotefelag is plainly bigger. Still we best see what else he has to say for himself, here he is: “The opportunity to join a club of Celtic’s stature was one I had to take. Celtic has enjoyed a great season, lifting the SPL Championship and making great progress in Europe. The club has a magnificent support and I will be doing all I can to make sure I play my part in delivering more and more success to these fans.” I noticed Kevin Thompson muttering something about being surprised Brown didn’t join him at Rangers. I can think of at least 25,000 good reasons a week why he chose Celtic.

Rather oddly, Dungannon Swifts striker Mark McAllister has turned down a move to the Hoops. Here’s what his manager Harry Fay had to say: “We have two other firm offers on the table and a move may be tied up soon. Celtic are a massive club but they have a lot of strikers on their books and Mark was aware of his other options. He made a mature decision and if he goes anywhere it will be to full-time professional football across the water.” Across the water? Might I interest you Harry in my book entitled ‘How not to make it sound like you’re the manager of the smallest club in the world’?

Meanwhile, Neil Lennon fancies a move to Sunderland now that he’s heading for the out door at Celtic Park. Here he is in no way angling for a move: “Sunderland would appeal to me greatly but it’s only hearsay at the moment. I have not had direct contact with either club (the other club in question being Crystal Palace and not Real Madrid as you might expect).” Can Roy Keane and Neil Lennon exist at the same club? Could I care less? No.

Dundee United

Craig Levein may very well not be the most exciting man in the world, I have yet to complete my study of this particularly important question and so am not prepared to share my findings at this stage. However, he has amused me this week with his comments following the sending off of Lee Wilkie in the 2-0 defeat to Falkirk. Take a gander at this: “He was entitled to go for the ball – and he won the ball. It was a scandalous decision. Lee won the ball. How he could send him off I just have no idea. It was right in front of the Falkirk crowd, they made a noise and then he reached for his pocket. They try to make you feel like a schoolboy (we’re talking referees here). He was standing beside me, walked away and then said ‘Come over here’. What is that all about? The whole point is to treat each other with respect. That’s not respect.” No Craig it’s not respect, but it is funny.

Dunfermline

Poor old Pars, relegated with one game to play. And what a way to go. One nil up away to Caley for most of the game with Well beating St Mirren only for it all to fall apart in the last ten minutes. Manager Stephen Kenny still can’t believe it, listen to the poor sausage: “Five wins out of six games put us at the top of the table in terms of the form league. We played well here but somehow lost the game. Relegation has consequences for everybody, but we just have to accept it and come straight back up.” What is even more shocking was that I watched the whole thing unfold in a pub in Kirkintilloch. I still can’t believe I was in a public house called The Kirky Puffer. That’s just wrong.

Falkirk

Russell Latapy must be getting on a bit now. Oh I see here he’s 39. Oh and look, he’s signed a new one year deal with Falkirk. You could almost imagine I’m reading this off the internet, instead of talking to football clubs and spending every waking hour interviewing players when I could be playing X-box. *switches off X-box* Right then, Latapy’s signed on for another year with the Bairns and so have Jack Ross and Kenny Milne. So that’s good. John Hughes certainly seems to think so, look: “We are delighted to have secured the services of three of our most experienced players for next season’s campaign.” I like to think John is using the Royal ‘we’ there.

He’s also quite pleased with the win over Dundee United. See: “I can’t fault my boys – they deserve to be in seventh spot and have been fantastic for me all year.” What does rather baffle the right thinking people of the world is that because of the, at best, idiosyncratic league split thingy, Falkirk now have more points in seventh place than Hibs in sixth. Now that is how to run a league.

Hearts

Some people just don’t seem to notice when you’re having a good old sulk. Hearts in particular have really failed to pick up on the fact that Julien Brellier is really, REALLY not talking to them. As can be seen by them acting surprised that he’s turned down a new contract. Jambos manager of the week Anatoly Korobochka had this to say: “The terms were much higher than his current contract. In the end Julien decided not to accept the new contract offer that was given to him. I would not like to talk about the actual terms of that contract, it’s not my place to judge that.” I like to think he simply kept turning his back every time they tried to talk to him about it, possibly turning his My Chemical Romance CD up and really stomping his feet when he walked across the landing. I also like to think the whole Hearts playing and training team live in one giant house, but that’s my problem not yours.

In an unusual non-Lithuanian transfer, Hearts have signed 16 year-old goalie Mark Ridgers from Ross County. You do have to wonder if he’ll be farmed out to Kaunas or some such until they finally manage to divest themselves of Craig Gordon. Either way, it’ll be an eye opened for the young man.

Hibernian

Jackie McNamara, the former Hibs player not his son what does done play for the Wolves, reckons the Hibees could lose John Collins if he doesn’t get some of the cash from the sale of Scott Brown to reinvest in the team. Here’s what he had to say: “John’s had a hard time of late, with players complaining to the chairman. But, if things don’t get better, he is strong-minded enough to maybe walk away if he is being denied resources.” So that’s that.

A less than impressive performance in the Edinburgh derby left John Collins less than thrilled with his less than perfect side and particularly his less than faultless keeper. Let’s hear from Mr Collins: “Andy (McNeil, the custodian in question) is an honest lad and he knows himself he should have done better. We know where we need to strengthen, let’s put it that way. We can’t change things during the season.”

Inverness CT

Fresh from relegating Dunfermline with a rather cruel last minute winner, Caley are moving on to the thrilling task of persuading Craig Dargo to stay. Director of football Graeme Bennett will fill us all in on the situation: “Craig is keeping his options open and we’ve no problem with that. But we’ll have a last go at him this week to see if we can strike a deal. We need to know if he’s going or staying in terms of our own recruiting plans.” Have a go at him? That all sounds very ominous, I’m not sure I’d like Mr Bennett going at me.

Kilmarnock

Steven Naismith eh? They all want him you know. None of us can get enough of the boy Naismith. With that in mind, Jim Jefferies appears to be less than confident he’ll be staying on at Rugby Park. Here he is now: “If I’m being honest, I would find it very strange if we didn’t get some enquiries from clubs.” Go on, say something a bit despairing, you know you want to: “If he had to stay here, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for him.” That’s the way to sell a club to a player. “Look, why don’t you just stay here, I can categorically assure you that it will not be too dreadful. And there’s bingo and carpet bowls on Tuesdays. Murray mint?”

The young man himself is also rather noncommittal about the whole thing. He said: “At the moment I’m returning for pre-season training. Ideally, I’d like to play on a bigger stage sometime, but it all depends on any offers received by Kilmarnock.” Go on Steve, stay at Killie, Jim says it might not be rubbish.

Motherwell

Colin Meldrum reckons the players should take some of the blame after Maurice Malpas was hounded by fans at the 3-2 loss to St Mirren. Here he is saying just that: “When we go over the white line, it is up to the players. Every player’s performances have not been as consistent as they could have been. Partly, the players need to look at themselves.” And the fans as well Colin. Let’s face it, it was a pretty meaningless game for Well and the Buddies were fighting for survival. But no, the fans are quite right. Get rid of Malpas, bring in someone else and then you can bellow abuse at him in a year and half when you fail to win the Champions League for the 900th year running. Then you can get rid of that one and start the whole hideous process again.

Big Maurice is having none of it of course. Exactly what you’d expect from a man of his stature. Go on Mo, let the sods have it: “They can boo me all they like but they won’t get rid of me that way. I’m thick-skinned and there is no chance of me walking away. I thought the team needed support. I thought we had better supporters than that.”

Rangers

Not a lot going at Rangers really. Obviously they failed to persuade Hibs to sell them Scott Brown for a bucket of brown coins and a trolley dash round the Rangers superstore. Oh and Walter Smith was less than thrilled with the performance against Killie. Here he comes now. Walter tell us about the game: “We didn’t deserve anything. We lacked the edge we’ve had in recent months. We were hoping to remain unbeaten until the edge of the season, so there was motivation. But we never reached any sort of level. It was a disappointing result and a disappointing performance.” Right that’s enough now Walter.

The Gers want to sign Carlos Cuellar from Osasuna but it’s going to cost them 2 million. That’s a faultless tactic. Sign the best players from the team that knocked you out of the UEFA Cup and they can never do it again. Machiavelli is reborn on Edmiston Drive.

St Mirren

In the least exciting news story of the week, Andy Millen has been confirmed as the oldest player to take part in an SPL game. The Buddies defender was 41 years and 329 days old when he turned out against Dundee United, beating Jim Leighton who was 41 years and 302 days old when he played his last match. But Jim had the good grace to smash his jaw to a million pieces and spit his teeth all over the park in his last game.

As you’d expect Gus MacPherson was fairly pleased with his side after coming back from the dead to beat Motherwell and relegate Dunfermline. Here he is: “For that group of players to stay in the SPL, and the club with the resources it has, is a major achievement. For players that haven’t experienced the demands of SPL football the mental strength required is considerable. I have probably learned more about them in the last four or five weeks than I have for the last two years.” Right-o, so what’s John Sutton’s favourite colour?

First Division

Looks like Gretna will be playing in the SPL despite the best efforts of St Mirren and Dunfermline. The SPL have given the club permission to play at Fir Park for the season. And then when then go back down then can play at Raydale Park again.

Billy Stark is claiming to have had no contact from the Jags about their managerial vacancy and whatnot. Here he is denying everything: “I’ve not heard anything and that would be quite proper because I am under contract at Queen’s Park.” And as we all know, if football is anything it’s terribly, terribly proper. All above board, no doubt about it.

Second Division

In a move tinged with a hint of oddness Dick Campbell has been appointed as the new boss of relegated Ross County. But on the understanding that if he doesn’t get them up at the first attempt he’ll be sacked. So that’s an interesting way to motivate a manager.

Barry John Corr’s joined Ayr United after fleeing Queen of the South and Paul Mathers might stay at Morton and I for one am simply gripped to discover what he’ll decide to do.

Third Division

Stenhousemuir have gone and snapped up John Dillon after he was released by the Sons. Apparently they’ve been after him for aaaaaaages. And who can blame them. And in other Sons news, Raith Rovers have bought Craig Winter. And it was a four figure deal, four figures, that means at least a grand. WOW, let the good times roll at the Rock then.

Premiership

Well that’s the Premiership over for another season and the shop at the top remains closed to all but the ‘big four’. Hell’s teeth it’s boring.

But now we can play rumour mill. So I’ll kick you off with Gareth Bale to Tottenham, Anelka back to Arsenal, Villa to Chelsea and Torres to Man United. I will further top it up with Luke Young to Villa, Jermain Defoe to Portsmouth, Sami Hyppia to Newcastle and Michael Owen back to Liverpool.

Have that at you.

Best Laid Claims

Dear ITV, Having attended the UEFA Cup Final and having had a thoroughly good time at a magnificent game of football, might I inquire as to what on god’s green earth you thought you were doing in not broadcasting it live?