'Juande I'll fly away' puns brushed down as Spurs fall from grace

Published on Friday 3 October 2008 23:34

FOR all his estimable qualities, Juande La Cruz Ramos Cano probably never realised how easily his name fits into excruciating English newspaper puns. The latest might be 'Juande I'll Fly Away' as the gloomy Tottenham manager contemplates a possible return to the homeland where he is still revered, to escape what must be described, in tabloid parlance, his Premier League nightmare.

The unlikely scenario of a Thursday afternoon draw in Krakow offered a few beams of optimism emerging through the black clouds hanging over Tottenham, taking Spurs into the group stage of the Uefa Cup. Last year's League Cup success was a valuable distraction from a woeful league placing. Ramos may now view Europe's equivalent second-choice cup as the chance to salvage a season already verging on the disastrous. Although, judging by the tentative uncertainty of the performance against Krakow, and the multitude of chances squandered by the Poles, he shouldn't get too hopeful just yet.

The not-unreasonable pre-season expectations were that Tottenham would be among those ambitious clubs, alongside Aston Villa, minted Manchester City, and possibly Everton and Blackburn, capable of taking a tilt at the top four. Six league matches, four defeats and two draws later, such pretensions seem absurd.

Those wondering where it all went wrong are drawn irresistibly to the transfer window, where Tottenham suddenly found themselves toothless in attack. Their summer acquisitions were substantially overshadowed by their 50million everything-must-go clearance sale of strikers.

The familiar line is that a club with serious ambitions does not sell its best players. Ramos at least has mitigating circumstances. You can never underestimate the power of a sustained sulk, and Dimitar Berbatov made it clear that if he didn't get to play with the Manchester United boys, he was going to sit in the corner wailing, refuse to eat his tea, and probably make a big mess in his nappy. Ramos was left with no alternative but to sell.

Selling Robbie Keane for 20million would always look like good business to a rational manager, although Ramos may have been a little over-sanguine about how easy it would be to replace him. The Keane deal was an interesting lesson in the harsh reality lessons that Spanish managers (and players) have to absorb in order to prosper in the Premier League. For Ramos, still relatively fresh from the Andalucian sunshine, Keane looks like a tubby Irishman with a half-decent first touch and an annoying goal celebration. He's no David Villa or Sergio Aguero. Offer 20million for him and Ramos is going to yell 'Si seor' and bite your hand off. For Rafael Benitez, idealism a little eroded by four years in England, an unselfish frontman with bags of application and limitless reserves of sweat is actually worth the money.

It left Ramos having to hastily acquire Roman Pavlyuchenko, who is probably the third best of the Russian forwards coveted in the summer behind Andrei Arshavin and Pavel Pogrebnyak. It also left him having to put PR spin on the form of Darren Bent, a feat that was never going to be convincing in an English accent, let alone in a Spanish one.

Most significantly for those Spurs fans who temporarily pause from singing vile songs about Sol Campbell to ponder their club's future, was the acquisition on loan of Manchester United's reserve Fraizer Campbell. Thrown in as a consolation during the Berbatov deal, Campbell's arrival witnesses Spurs being bailed out by the condescension of a club that are supposed to be their rivals.

Like at least a dozen Premier League clubs, considerable speculation surrounds a change of ownership for the club. For all the substantial transfer spending over the last four seasons, Tottenham's true position relative to the Premier League elite was confirmed when Manchester United and Liverpool casually plucked their forwards away in August.

Ramos, while scanning the pages of Marca every day, wondering where there might be a vacancy in La Liga (two of his old clubs, Malaga and Real Betis, look possibilities) must wait and see if some foreign billionaires can help him out. New ownership will have serious implications on how he will be able to strengthen his squad in January, with strikers a priority.

Ramos attributes the poor start to a squad put out of kilter by the late transfer dealings in August. That said he has no shortage of talent at his disposal, from international defenders like Ledley King and Jonathan Woodgate, England midfielders David Bentley, Jermaine Jenas and Aaron Lennon and the new signings Luka Modric, Giovani Dos Santos and Pavlyuchenko. In January, maybe he can sign Arshavin or Pogrebnyak to keep Pavlyuchenko company.

In the meantime, though, he has to find an effective system and pick up some points. There were unconvincing excuses last Saturday when Tottenham surrendered meekly to Portsmouth while Ramos refused to play Bent and Pavlyuchenko together. If it is true that Tottenham's two main strikers are too similar to be used in conjunction that hardly bodes well for Ramos' options.

They take on Hull City tomorrow. The former Arsenal defender Lee Dixon lamented his old club's defeat to Hull at the Emirates last week by suggesting that you can't afford to slip up against the bottom clubs. That made no sense considering that Hull are sixth. Given the fourteen places that separate Hull from Tottenham, it wouldn't be too much of a shock if Phil Brown's team complete a double, and Ramos reaches for his passport.