It's a case of 'only singing when you're whaling' as Tartan Army hit Far East

Published on Sunday 11 October 2009 23:26

THE Tartan Army lost not once, not twice, but three times in Yokohama on Saturday. Even before the official Scotland squad were predictably defeated 2-0 in their ill-fated friendly against Japan at Nissan Stadium, a team of their most ardent away supporters were also beaten in two separate games by members of the Tokyo Celtic Supporters Club, first 4-1, then 4-2. To be fair, the winning side was comprised largely of ringers.

"They asked me to set up a couple of matches for the fans," said organiser Sid Lloyd, from the sidelines at Yokohama Country and Athletic Club. A former merchant navy seaman who now runs the Tokyo Metropolitan League – 30 teams of skilled amateur players, most of them fellow British ex-pats – Lloyd had made similar arrangements for visiting football supporters in the past.

This time, he decided to invite the Tokyo Celtic Supporters, whose activities are usually confined to watching Celtic games on a big-screen TV in a local Irish pub called Paddy Foley's. "I didn't realise that a lot of these guys couldn't even kick a bloody ball," said Lloyd, "so I had to bring in a few serious players from the league."

Unlike the main event we would all watch later on, these few short games were high-scoring, surprisingly exciting, and genuinely friendly. The Tartan Army boys fought hard against their jet-lag, their hangovers, and the afternoon sun.

But the Celtic supporters seemed to want it more. "Close 'em doon!" shouted club secretary Martin Burns, from Coatbridge, his dialect sounding strange and wonderful in a country where nobody raises their voice.

Down at the scenic waterfront, an Edinburgher named PJ was telling another small detachment of Scots about his plane's aborted landing in high winds at Narita Airport. "We were s****ing ourselves," he admitted. "People were puking. If I hadn't drunk all that beer and champagne I think I would still be in shock."

I asked PJ and his friends whether they felt cheated by the SFA, having come all this way, and spent all that money, for a strategically meaningless game, to be played by a so-called "shadow squad" of debutantes and second or third picks. "They might be reserves, but they're our reserves," said one. "They're shi*e, but they're our shi*e," clarified another. "We will follow them anywhere."

PJ added: "To be honest, we're here for the banter. And to experience another culture. You couldn't fork out two and a half grand just for a game."

On the way to the stadium, the talk turned to this country's high-tech toilets, the benefits of lanacane anti-chafing gel, and the previous day's trip to Mount Fuji – four buses full of Scotland fans flying saltires across the Japanese countryside.

Christophe Berra's own goal was, of course, upsetting, but the Tartan Army were so irreverent in defeat that it became a kind of defiance. Politically indelicate and overly tactile, they amended the lyrics of one famous chant to "you only sing when you're whaling", waved rising sun flags they had stolen from their rivals, and forced sweaty embraces upon neatly-attired and politely abashed Japanese ushers.

"Apart from all the stuff on the pitch," said Murray Dee, a 21-year-old fan from West Lothian, "this is one of the best nights I've ever had." After Japan scored again in the final minute, Callum Mitchell, a Glaswegian now living in Osaka, said: "We were never in danger of scoring a goal. The real story about this game is the fact that it even got scheduled, and the fact that all these nutters came to watch it."