Benjamin Zand: There really is now accounting for taste

THE Fast Show famously tempted us with its faux cheesey-peas, which to some people probably sounded like food heaven.

To others, surely foodie hell.

But while they are some culinary classics that you just shouldn't mess about with (and we don't mean cheesey-peas) there are always some people who think there's room for improvement.

Take for example that tasty teatime classic, the fish supper.

Apart from a dash of salt and sauce or salt and vinegar to top it off, there's just no need to tinker.

The idea of "malt salt", a salt and vinegar-flavoured powder to sprinkle on your supper to stop it going soggy, must have sounded like a winner in US condiment maker J&D's board room.

But, back in the real world, we all know it's going to bomb. There was just no need.

The firm is not alone in tinkering with the contents of our dinner plates when it just shouldn't. Take a look at these "tasty" treats that perhaps should never have made it out of the packaging.

Easy-Cheese

Originally marketed by US food giant Nabisco in 1966 as Snack Mate comes the processed cheese in a can which looks more like it should be used for painting walls than dressing dinners. Easy-Cheese failed to make it big in the UK but remains a cult favourite in the US. Now made and distributed by American company Kraft, it is still sold in a range of party flavours, some of the strangest being Roasted Garlic & Cheddar and Bacon & Cheddar.

Crystal Clear Pepsi

Created in an attempt to keep up with the health-conscious trends of the early 1990s, Crystal Clear Pepsi was supposed to combine the classic cola taste with something of the purity of spring water. Adverts boasted it featured less of the caffeine and all of the taste. The results of market testing in 1992 were encouraging enough to lead to a full-blown launch the following year. Consumers, however, saw straight through it, and stuck to the trusted brown variety. The Crystal Clear version soon vanished.

Celery Jelly

Another attempt to appeal to the healthy living among us, Celery Jelly was part of a range of savoury jellies created in the States in the 1960s. The other flavours were Italian Salad, Mixed Vegetable and Seasoned Tomato. The idea was to serve it alongside a number of different salads. Despite being a diet-friendly 80 calories per dish, not surprisingly it never caught on.

Coloured Ketchup

Heinz somehow managed to come up with the not quite ingenious idea of adding dollops of food colouring, including blue and purple, to their signature recipe to attract more children. After less than six years on the market, the colourings were scrapped in 2006.

McLobster

The brainchild of an enterprising McDonald's employee, this distinctly fishy addition to the fast-food menu offered low-budget lobster to customers on a budget. Never rivalling other variations on the classic burger for popularity, the dish is still available in some US outlets.

Sweet sticks

These chalky sugar sticks which look like cigarette sweets and even come in their own small box, have been with us since the 19th century and show no signs of going away despite the best efforts of modern-day health chiefs.

Baconnaise

Long before the creation of salt and vinegar powder, J&D had been experimenting how far they could go with a bizarre range of bacon-flavoured goods. After bacon salt, bacon lip balm and bacon popcorn, they stumbled on an unlikely hit, bacon- flavoured mayonnaise, or Baconnaise. It's no surprise to learn that the company motto is, "Everything tastes better with bacon".