Scottish Football Briefing - 9 February

Published on Friday 9 February 2007 11:05

Aberdeen

Aberdeen is something of a mystery to me. I’ve driven through it, boarded a ferry to Shetland there and, indeed, as a youth was once startled by a capercaillie in the near vicinty. But beyond that, it is as ancient Babylon to me. Unknowable and endlessly enigmatic. And it’s cold, so I’m not going. But Andrew Considine seems quite happy to stay there since he’s signed a two-year contract extension with the Dons. Let’s see what the 19 year-old has to say about the whole thing: “The chance to sign an extension with Aberdeen was a great honour as I am a local lad and love playing for the club.”

Jamie Langfield has been called up for the Scotland squad’s get-together in Ayrshire. The goalkeeper held forth to the Aberdeen website, who for some reason send me weekly e-mails, thusly: “This came right out of the blue but, if you are going to have a weekend disrupted, there is no better reason.” Well I can think of far better reasons to have a weekend disrupted, but then I’ve been single since the Mesolithic.

Celtic

Aiden McGeady makes me like football. There are few finer sights than a nippy winger leading a carthorse centreback a merry dance before whipping in a cross. Only for said defender to sneak up when he’s not looking and launch the winger into the cheap seats. That’s football. So I’m delighted to see McGeady will be staying with the Bhoys for another four-and-a-half years. Wee Gordon had some nice things to say: “It’s a strong commitment from both sides. Aiden is showing trust in us to look after him and we trust him because we believe he has got a lot to offer. It’s a strong commitment from both sides.” Dumbarton used to have a tricky midfielder like McGeady called Joe Robertson. He was great, but then he once scored a penalty at Boghead and started running towards my spot on the terraces bellowing. I got quite startled and retreated to the Bovril queue.

Shunsuke Nakamura’s a genius. Not my words but the words of Gordon Strachan. Look at him after the 4-1 win over Livingston: “We have a lot of quality players, but I turned to my assistant and said I think we are witnessing a genius at work. If you are talking a pure, pure footballer, he is as good as there is.” Just the footballing part then, for a minute there I was going to send him a question about the unified field theory. Not that I have a clue what that is.

Dundee Utd

FIFA eh? They just love to meddle. And this time they’ve blocked Dundee United defender David Proctor’s move to Airdrie. The 22 year-old was all set to join Airdrie on loan but it turns out he’d played a reserve match for Caley before joining the Terrors. So that means FIFA won’t let him get a bit of experience because then he’d have played for more than two clubs in a season. Fools. I mean really, it’s hardly going to bring world football to its knees. I bet Sepp Blatter doesn’t even know where Airdrie is.

Dunfermline

Ahhh the Pars. I whinge on and on and on about how they’re going down with no hope of reprieve and then they turn over Hearts in the cup. Let’s see what manager Stephen Kenny has to say about things: “We have not scored a lot of goals of late – that has been our problem – and we did not create a lot of goalscoring chances. So there is still room for improvement, but I think we got our rewards in the end. It was a thrilling cup tie and Scott Wilson’s goal was a fitting finale.” Of course, they’re still going down but it’s nice to see the drowning man waving a little flag.

Falkirk

John Hughes is an angry man. No more of the friendly, the “boys done well I’m proud of them” school. He’s laid right into the Bairns after they got turned over by St Johnstone in the Scottish Cup. I imagine he said these things while shaking with barely controlled rage: “It was gutless and spineless, we played good football but we were going nowhere. In all the time I’ve been involved at Falkirk, as a player, a captain, as a manager I have never been as embarrassed as I am with a result like that.”

Hearts

I’m beginning to wonder if Hearts might actually be a branch of the CIA or possibly the Tontons Macoute. Their transfer dealings are becoming increasingly intricate and beyond the ken of the uninitiated. Let us examine the case of Pascal Mendy, seemingly on loan at FBK Kaunas from Dinamo Moscow. Which is fine. But now he claims he has always had a contract with the Jambos and is now just waiting for the dotting of the “I”s, the crossing of the “T”s and the drawing of the smiley faces in the “O”s. I’ll pass you into the safe hands of the Edinburgh Evening News while he explains the situation: “My transfer was not to Kaunas. I will be there only until all the papers are ready. Later I will move to Hearts, the team with which I already have a contract.” I’m sorry, but WHAT? Transfers don’t work like that. We’re through the looking glass here people. Hold my hand?

Another takeover at Hearts? Would that be wise? Well Pat Munro and Fred Wood seem to think so. They appear to be gathering money from the four corners of the globe in a bid to buy Mr Romanov out. The Sun talked to them about it: “We have people in Iceland and in the Middle East we are talking to at the moment – we are pushing ahead with various things. The fans and smaller shareholders are unhappy about Romanov’s holding of the club and how he runs it.” Pat Munro and Fred Wood? Well if they don’t manage the takeover they could always become a duo of fictional detectives in the Highlands. “One’s a straight arrow who plays by the rules the other’s a loose cannon who rubs the brass up the wrong way. Watch their hilarious adventures this Spring on UK Rubbish.”

Of course, if they do manage to finalise the takeover, they’ll be saddling themselves with a lot of debt. Some 28.4m according to the club’s latest figures. Sheesh. That’s a lot of Lithuanian journeymen.

Hibernian

Nigerian-born Hungarian international striker Thomas Sowunmi has joined Hibs until the end of the season. He told the Hibs website some things, here is a selection thereof: “I am delighted to have signed for Hibernian. I am really excited about joining a team that plays exciting football. I have a reasonable amount of experience, so hopefully that will help our young squad, but I will also have things to learn about the game here. It is a challenge I am looking forward to.” Turkmenistan-born Fijian football briefing writer me wonders whether he’ll actually get a game.

John Collins, in a move that will rock the world of soccerball to its very core, wants his side to push for a Scottish Cup final place. They’re in the CIS cup final of course, that we know, but John – no, no listen, I know it seems mad, but just listen – wants the old Hibees there to try and win the Scottish Cup too. Madness, dangerous madness. Listen to his ravings: “We’re in one final and it has to be the target to be in two now.” Indeed John, but let’s face it unless you entered the Scottish Cup for a laugh then that should have been the aim from the start. Football people eh? Loons.

Inverness CT

It’s always a treat to see Caley winning, mainly because I like the look of Charlie Christie. He reminds me very much of a well coiffed stoat in a suit. Anyway, the Highlanders saw off Dundee United in the Scottish Cup thanks to a right proper ripsnorter by Russell Duncan. Over a celebratory pint of whelks and a foaming mug of beef tea, Charlie leaned closely and told me this: “Russell doesn’t get many goals, but when he does they tend to be pretty good ones.” Of course Charlie and I didn’t really go for a friendly mug of Bovril. He called, but I was out.

Kilmarnock

Teenage striker and leading Welsh singer songwriter David Gray has left Dundee United and joined Kilmarnock. The wobbly-headed troubadour combines being the man behind hit album White Ladder and dressing up as an 18 year-old who left the Terrors after he failed to break into the first team.

Meanwhile, it looks like Andrew Barrowman won’t be leaving Rugby Park for Queen of the South. Something about a transfer fee or some such. Andrew Barrowman, that sounds like John Barrowman star of BBC lacklustre-a-thon Torchwood. And so on. *ties self to BMX, rides off pier*.

Motherwell

The Motherwell v St Johnstone game in the Scottish Cup is going to be on the telly. *prepares bunting, bunts self to frenzy of excitement*. The quarterfinal’s been switched to Wednesday February 28 and will kick off at 8.05pm. I do worry for the Steelmen in this one. Could an upset be on the cards?

Rangers

Do you remember the excitement when Dado Prso signed for Rangers? Palpable it was, palpable. I do wonder sometimes whether Gers fans feel if he’s lived up to it all. Anyway, it looks like the Croatian will be able to play on for at least another season after concerns were raised over his long-standing knee injury. His agent Ranko Stojic had a wee chat with the Daily Record, little did they realise I was dressed as a squirrel and hiding in a nearby tree with a laser mic. Here’s what I learned: “Dado has been told he can play on for a minimum of one more season. Dado wants to play on for as long as possible and he is feeling much better than he was a few weeks ago.” And in case you were wondering, acorns have a bitter, woody taste and the tail helps immensely with balance.

It’s a done deal at last then. Alan Gow has signed a pre-contract agreement with Rangers and will wander into Ibrox with his little gym bag and plimsolls this summer. Hooray. He was all but signed up in the January transfer window but the Bairns were holding out for 500,000. Of course now they’ll get nothing, but at least they’ll have him until the end of the season. I do wonder how he’ll get on at the Gers, but then I’ve not seen him play that much. So how will he get on then, answers on a postcard to: He’ll look good for a while and then it’ll all go wrong as it so often does competition, Football Towers, 22 Lookathisface Street, Glasgowland.

St Mirren

Simon Lappin’s nicked off to Naaaaarrrich then and appears to have taken Mark Fotheringham with him. A bumper 100,000 transfer fee for the 24 year-old appears to have swung it. Of more concern is the possible departure of John Sutton, with claims abounding he was off to Falkirk. But Buddies chairman Stewart Gilmour reckons he’s going nowhere: “I spoke to John Sutton’s agent, Tony McGill, and Tony is delighted to be quoted that there has been no contact whatsoever from Falkirk. So there is no truth in the story that John has signed, or was about to sign, an agreement with Falkirk.” Delighted to be quoted? “Tony, can we tell the world’s press that John’s not been in touch with Falkirk?”…”Oh, oh, oh yeah, tell them I said it, tell them that Tony said he’s not going anywhere, make sure they said Tony said. Please. Oh joy, oh wonderment, oh delight.”

First Division

David Cowan’s joined Gretna until the end of the season. Ex of Motherwell, the defender had been with Ross County but for some reason or other was released by the Dingwall mob after playing just two games. It must be rubbish being a footballer sometimes, being released left, right and centre. Oh well, I’m sure the not having to work for a living makes up for it.

Second Division

Stevie Thomson’s gone back to Alloa after leaving Hamilton. The defender had been with Alloa as a trialist and did enough to earn a contract. Yes, I know, I’m bored too.

Third Division

I see the Sons have farmed out Kevin McCann to Renfrew Juniors. But never fear, the 19 year-old remains a part of the Dumbarton family. Look what Colin Hosie, t’vice-chairman, had to say: “Kevin is still a key player for the Sons. His injury is now behind him, but he needs regular games.” Is there a better nickname for a football club than Sons of the Rock? No, is the answer to that.

Oh and Jim Weir’s the new manager of Montrose. They’ll be fine or maybe they won’t. I don’t know, I’m not Wonderwoman.

Premiership

I’m quite bored of the Premiership at the moment. And it’s not entirely to do with the fact that Spurs are failing to set the trees on fire. Oh and on the subject of Spurs, before I left Laaaahndahhn for that Glasgow, I went to the Tottenham vs Southend FA cup tie. Nothing that dramatic there. But how much was the ticket? 42. For a fourth round FA cup game against a team at the bottom of the championship. I ask you. Of course, I didn’t pay for the ticket. But still. And that’s why I’m bored with the Premiership. It costs a lot and you don’t get that much for the outlay.

So anyway, after that whinge, what’s the story in the Premiership? Baw all really, though I suppose the future of Cristiano Ronaldo is going to be the hot topic in the summer. As far as I know, and this is only from what people tell me, he’s decided that he wants to play in Spain. And if he’s decided that, there’s not a lot Man Utd will be able to do stop him. So Real Madrid or Barcelona for the elegant diver then.

Interestingly enough, there’s also talk of Thierry Henry giving up the ghost and leaving the Gooners. The oddest part of the whole thing is that the club he’s being linked with, other than the usual Barcelona, is Liverpool. Now presumably they’ll have cash to spend after the takeover, but Henry for Liverpool? I really can’t see it.

I’d expect a few more takeovers in the Premiership as well. The Dubai investors are still looking for a club to buy after they were rebuffed by Liverpool and it’s been suggested that Arsenal could be in their sights. Spurs have been suggested as a possible target, but there are issues with ground size and transport links in N17. And Newcastle are all but gagging to be bought out.

I think I might fall out with the Premiership soon. And then what will I do? Weep, I should imagine.

Best laid claims

Now, I noticed a particular columnist having a go at Wee Gordon Strachan over his perceived flippancy during post match interviews. I’m not going to name the chap in question, mainly because I’m slightly scared of him. But come on now, it’s hardly the Cuban Missile Crisis, it’s football you big flask. You take it seriously at your own peril.