Scottish Football Briefing 4th May

Published on Friday 4 May 2007 11:43

Aberdeen

The Dons have completed the pre-contract signing of Lee Mair from Dundee United, which is good news all round for the Pittodrie massive. Lee's agent is called Charlie Duddy, which is in no way a slightly amusing name, and he said this: "All the paperwork is done and he will be at Pittodrie for pre-season training and the club's summer trip to Egypt."

Aberdeen are playing Hearts on Sunday for the right to get smashed to bits in Europe next season. But since the Dons have to go to Tynecastle, with Hearts just four points behind them, it could well come down to the last game of the season. And who is that last game of the season against? Why Rangers, of course. At Pittodrie - where we all know there is a fine record of the fans and players holding hands, exchanging e-mail addresses and indulging in a rousing bout of community whistling. It's could be a bloodbath.

Celtic

Will the SFA ban Wee Gordon from the touchline in the Scottish Cup Final? It certainly looks likely. After being sent to the stand against Hearts, he automatically wins a lovely four-game suspension what with it being his second offence. And now comes the baffling bit: Strachan is free to appeal the decision, and the ban would come into effect on May 13. However, should the manager appeal against the ban, the appeal would not be heard until July. By which time presumably he would have either served the suspension or been allowed to lead the team out for the final. "Dear SFA, Your rules make no sense whatsoever. Yours in sport, the Football Briefing (Mrs)".

There's not going to be many comings or goings at Celtic Park this close season. Not according to Mr Strachan anyway. "In my first year, 13 players left and it was similar last year. We don't need - or want - that again, so two or three will be coming in, while I don't really want to lose anyone." Maybe buying a few players that don't freeze at the sight of the finishing line might be a good move. The Bhoys have been linked with the innovative non-goalscoring striker at Everton, James Beattie. But Gordon denies it all: "I know James, but if I was going to do something with him, I would talk to his manager, Davie Moyes, first." If I was going to do anything with Beattie, I would encourage him to put the ball in the big netty bag thing now and again.

Dundee United

Craig Levein wants his fans to go home happy, which is why he's so bally annoyed with the Arabs' 1-1 draw with Caley. Pray silence for the man in the baseball cap: "I'm frustrated and disappointed we didn't win the match. The game should have been over at half-time and the second half should have been a chance to relax, play some good football and entertain our fans." Which is all very well, though one might contend that playing good football all the time would help you win more games. But Craig ruins it with this: "They think at half-time they got out of jail and think they have got to get better. But what I expected from us has got to be a little better than what we got." Which, of course, makes no sense whatsoever. Carry on.

Dunfermline

Poor old Tam McManus, it really does seem like he's been badly served by the SFA. After being on the bench for Falkirk in the Scottish Cup earlier in the season he now can't play for Dunfermline in the final, despite not even stepping onto the pitch for the Bairns. Meanwhile, earlier in the competition Jamie Adams played for Queen of the South against Cowdenbeath and Hibs after having been an unused sub for Killie right at the start of the cup. Now, instead of doing the decent thing and realising the unused subs rule is mentalism, the SFA are now investigating Adams and saying McManus still can't play in the final. So not only have they made poor Tam a bit unhappy but they've made themselves look like officious, unfeeling sticklers for nonsense rules. Good old SFA: always making a drama into an extinction level event.

It's getting a bit exciting down the bottom of the SPL. Indeed, it's rather community spirited of the Pars and St Mirren to make at least one end of the table vaguely interesting. So with their win at Love Street on Monday night, the Fifers are now just one point off the Buddies and it's nip and tuck for relegation. Stephen Kenny certainly seems pleased: "We would have been nearly in the First Division if we had lost tonight. The players were absolutely magnificent. It wasn't our best performance. St Mirren put us under pressure with crosses, but we held out." And now they have momentum, which we're so often told is the most important thing in these situations. I'm more of a "getting more points than those above you" kind of chap, but yes, momentum, vital.

Falkirk

You've got to hand it to the Bairns and Motherwell. Precious little left to play for but they still serve up a 3-3 draw last weekend to keep us all entertained. John Hughes certainly seemed to enjoy it, here he is enjoying it: "I was pleased with the first half, believe it or not – I thought Motherwell's two goals were against the run of play. We dictated the game and passed the ball really well. Even if we had lost 2-0, I would have been happy because of the way we played. All credit to the boys, they went out in the second half and raised their game."

Rubbish news of the week goes to the announcement that Craig Ireland has been forced to retire from the game after pinging his knee something chronic. The more disturbing factor is that he's only 31. That's younger than me, and I don't get to retire for at least 34 years, knees or no knees.

Hearts

So it's a 25,000 fine for Vladimir Romanov over the whole "Monkeys go home" incident on the Hearts website. Suggesting that referees can be bought and that the 'monkeys' of the press were ranged against him was always going to end badly for the eccentric Hearts supremo. As one of the monkeys, I was deeply upset. It almost stopped me peeling a banana with my feet.

That's Laryea Kingston out for the rest of the season then. The defender was given his marching orders for abusing the referee in the match with Aberdeen and has had his initial two-match ban topped up with a further three matches for good measure. To be fair, you shouldn't really be accusing the officials of racist conduct especially when you're being sent off for all but assassinating an opponent. Silly rabbit.

Claims that Hearts are after want-away Hibs striker Chris Killen are apparently wide of the mark. He's not from Lithuania for one thing. Anyway, Steve Hughes, for he is the agent, noted: "Two Premiership clubs, several Championship clubs and teams in Denmark and Norway are interested. As far as any Hearts interest is concerned, it is simply not true to say they have made any offer. That's not to say it won't happen but I don't expect an offer."

In Europe-talk, Stephen Frail is indulging in a spot of the old mind games, claiming Aberdeen have very much the upper hand in the race for ritual humiliation at the hands of Gottu Attrotefelag. Here is the modern-day Machiavelli: "They are still in the driving seat. But we've made it a bit more interesting. Has anyone other than Kevin Keegan ever actually fell for mind games?

Hibernian

It's appeal time at Hibs, with the cabbage and ribs preparing to call for clemency for Guillaume Beuzelin after he was sent off in the 3-3 draw with Rangers. There was some sort of incident involving a tumbling Kris Boyd and the ref waved the red card. But John Collins won't be standing, sitting or crouching for it. "We've had a look at it and we think the same now as we did at the time – that wasn't worthy of a red card." To be fair, you wouldn't John.

Elsewhere in Hibs land, Jay Shields won't be with the club next year after some rather murky goings-on connected with the whole "players going to chairman to klipe on manager like a bunch of weans" incident. Said Jay: "I met the manager and was told I was not getting a new deal. What was disappointing was that he said I might have got a new contract if I had not gone to chairman. The manager also said that he couldn't see me getting into the team ahead of Steven Whittaker and, with Kevin McCann doing well, he couldn't have three players in the same position. That's fair enough, but it was disappointing that he used the meeting with the chairman as an excuse as well." That's not an excuse, Jay. That's what we in the real world like to call a "reason". We also like to be aware that sometimes our actions have things called "consequences".

Sunderland have taken Michael Stewart on trial after he was shown the door by Hibs in an issue that was in no way related to the dressing room unrest. Absolutely not. Nope. No dressing room problems. None. Not a sausage.

Meanwhile, Darren McCormack is staying at Easter Road after he rejected a move to Celtic. Hurrah for him. Collins is also pleased: "He's seen his pals make it into the first-team by making sacrifices and working their socks off." It is important to make sacrifices. There's nothing worse than angry gods. Ask the Romans.

Inverness CT

Everyone's favourite 'other' SPL club have secured a brace of defenders on new contracts. I like using the word brace, it makes me happy. And defenders signing new contracts would appear to make Charlie "dapper as you like" Christie a cheerful dandy as well. He bubbled with enthusiasm while saying these things about the resigning of Richard Hastings and Stuart McCaffrey: "I'm delighted both have chosen to stay rather than quit this summer. Richard has had his best SPL season, winning his place back in the Canada team, and has been a stalwart of a strong defence. Stuart was a regular when we joined the SPL then fell out of the side but showed his quality at Ibrox three weeks ago when we were down to 10 men." I wonder how difficult it is to get into the Canadian team.

Kilmarnock

It's a week of appeals it would seem, with happy-go-lucky scamp Jim Jefferies winning his appeal against being sent to the stands during a defeat at the hands of Celtic. He was banished from the touchline after apparently adopting a "threatening manner" towards linesman Brian McGarry. Jim contended he was simply laughing at a decision made by the boy McGarry and the SFA seem to have believed him. Which is impressive since I've never known Jim to crack so much as a smile.

It's looking like Craig Bryson will finally make his move to Kilmarnock from Clyde, but that may be the end of the incomings. So there'll be no Ronaldinho move then? Curses. So on the whole not many players coming in thing, assistant manager Billy Brown said: "Kilmarnock are not a club who can go out and buy players. The players that we're bringing in are players who fit into our wage bill. We might bring in one or two from the lower leagues. We've already brought Willie Gibson from Queen of the South and there may be another one." Corks, it must be hugely exciting being a Killie fan then. Still, nice pies.

Motherwell

Phil O'Donnell, the man, the enigma, the baffling move to Sheffield Wednesday. Well he's at Well now. The Steelmen have handed him a one-year contract as a player-coach after presumably proving his fitness to Maurice Malpas. Certainly Maurice had this to say: "We will retain his experience and high standards as a player. And as a coach he will help to develop youngsters, whilst training and playing with them." Good-oh. While we're on the subject of Mr Malpas, the BBC always use a picture of the Motherwell manager that makes him look exactly like Rebecca Loos. Go and have a look. It's a belter.

Rangers

Big Walter seemed quite pleased with the 3-3 draw with the Hibees. And so he should really as the Gers emerge as marginal winners from the goal frenzy. "It was a difficult match and was hardly your end of season game, because there was a great level of commitment from both sides," Smith said. "The pleasing aspect is that we kept coming back – they scored, then we scored. I'm delighted with that and I've no complaints with the result." And even if you did have complaints, there is nowhere you can go for redress. You could always whinge about it for days, I suppose. The Mourinho Gambit as I believe it's called.

Rangers have got Turkish international defender Erol Bulut in for a wee trial with a view to signing him. He's 32 and a free-agent after a spell with Olympiakos. Said Ally McCoist recently: "The player is here until the weekend and will also take in the Old Firm game. We have had some good reports, so we are looking forward to working with him over the next couple of days."

St Mirren

As Stephen Kenny celebrates a possible SPL-status-saving victory, Gus MacPherson laments a right boot to the orchestras. Going down 1-0 at home to the team you are trying to send down in your place is really not the flavour at this stage. And Gus knows that all too well: "From playing so well against Falkirk just a week ago, we've got nowhere near that level of performance. It took us going a goal behind before we looked to react. It's a disappointing overall performance." Ok, so he didn't say it wasn't "the flavour" but I'm just more street than Gus. Sadly that street is Byers Road.

First Division

Gretna, love them or hate them, are up to the SPL and now Brooks Mileson has promised to lob cash at the squad in the hope they'll stay there. Brooks noted: "We have been tracking players since August last year. Under Mick Wadsworth, we have put in a tremendous scouting programme and been watching four or five games a week. Mick knows the kind of players we are looking for. He's identified players we want to go for and no doubt he will be going into overdrive now." Overdrive? Now that sounds a bit scary.

In a rather disappointing development, Scott Leitch has quit as manager of Ross County. To be fair to County, they didn't sack him, despite him taking the side down into the Second Division. But it still seems a shame. He had only been there a year.

Livingston are hoping to bag either Bobby Williamson or Joe Miller as their new manager. Of course, Clyde not being too keen on losing their manager, might throw a spanner in the works when it comes to Miller. So Bobby Williamson it is then.

Second Division

After Forfar managed to plummet into the joy that is the Third Division, they've gone and axed eight players. Do you want the names? Really? All right then: Gary Lynn, Fraser Coyle, Barry Donald, Gregory Tade, Willie Stewart, Craig Martin, Darren Gribben and David Keogh. Oddly, all of them live on the west coast and were commuting to Angus for games. Which is a long way however you look at it.

Third Division

Kevin McGowne is leaving St Mirren to become player-assistant manager at Montrose. He's a chum of Jim Weir's, as Mr Weir noted recently: "I've known Kevin for a long time, ever since I joined St Johnstone 13 years ago. We played together there for a couple of years and when he moved to Kilmarnock we remained good friends." It’s a Third Division love-in.

And what a marvelous day we had at the Rock on Saturday for the final game of the season. Nice and sunny, a barracking for the Queens Park number six and the ever-patient Dumbarton crowd losing the plot as soon as the Sons went 2-0 down. Textbook stuff, it really was.

Premiership

Let's have a quick blast.

Liverpool are apparently going to be making a move for Kaka in the summer. But that has to be nonsense. Nicolas Anelka is going back to Arsenal, Kevin Nolan to Everton and Diouf to Lyon. Kalou and Bridge to Newcastle. Curtis Davies and Tim Cahill to Chelsea. Bale, Barnes, Kalou and Zigic to Tottenham. Boruc and Alves to Man United.

And that's your lot.

Best Laid Claims

Just a quick point for Mr J Mourinho of West London. Where's your quadruple now?