Football Briefing 30th March

Published on Friday 30 March 2007 13:18

Aberdeen

The Dons are resigned to losing Gary Dempsey, presumably to Yeovil who have been making come-to-Somerset eyes at him for some time now. Which seems a bit odd since Jimmy Calderwood announced he’d persuaded the 25 year-old to stay just this month. Explain yourself James, and make it snappy: “It is a big blow. He is a great guy to have about the place. He is always so positive. His decision is purely for football reasons. I have a great relationship with Gary and fully understand his reasons for leaving. He just loves playing football and wants to be in the side every week.” Put him in the side then. Or don’t. I haven’t a clue really.

Celtic

Poor old Scott McDonald was devastated when Motherwell turned down a last ditch Rangers bid for his service in the transfer window. Almost inconsolable in fact. Hopefully he’s now slightly consoled by the fact he’s all but sealed a move to Celtic. Subject to a medical and all that malarkey but it looks like the 23 year-old Australian striker will be in the Hoops come summer. We best see just how consoled he is, this is him talking: “I have thoroughly enjoyed playing for Motherwell and I will leave with a lot of good memories. I hope the fans appreciate that I want to move on and develop my career and I would like to thank them for the support they have given me.” So everyone’s happy then. Well possibly not Kenny Miller, who must now be wondering where he’ll be playing next season. I’ve got Derby County in the sweepstake but you never know.

Evander Sno could be out for the rest of the season after he crocked his knee on international duty with the Dutch under-21 side. There’ll be some sort of complicated scan on the wound and more thrillingly exciting news as it breaks.

Celtic could be welcoming Shairie Joseph into the club from New England Revolution after the defensive midfielder hinted he may want a move. I say hinted, just look at this from the 28 year-old: “I deserve better than what I’m making. What I make is a great paycheck, but it’s not what I deserve – I just want to further my career somewhere else.” Somewhere else with considerably deeper pockets it would seem. Nice attitude Shairie.

Dundee Utd

Fighting talk from Arabs captain Barry Robson, with the ex-Caley man warning the runaway leaders they won’t be coming away from Tannadice with three points without a fight. Grrrrrr. He is man, the hunter. Watch him go: “I don’t care about Celtic. I’m not interested in what’s happening to them. All I’m interested in is Dundee United and the same goes for everyone else here. They’re obviously going for a league title but we’ve got ambitions of our own to finish in seventh place.” I bet you are a wee bit interested though Barry. Go on, just a little bit? No? Rubbish.

Dunfermline

It’s a heartening sight the way the Pars are fighting against relegation. Probably doomed, but you have to admire the plucky Fifers. And of course patronise them at every turn, they like that. They should have Scott Thomson and Andy Tod back in action soon after they both turned out for a reserve game with Falkirk. And not-as-good-as-we-all-thought-he-was-going-to-be striker Mark Burchill also had a run out. Could we be about to see one of the greatest escapes in football history? No, probably not, no.

Falkirk

Worries at Falkirk that the international break may have halted the club’s momentum. John Hughes fretted thusly: “I feel the momentum of the Celtic result has been lost because we would have had the chance to get on the back of it if we’d played last week.” You should have had a word with UEFA John, I’m sure they would have been more than happy to cancel the entire round of Euro qualifiers so the Bairns could maintain their momentum. They’re nice like that.

In other news, there were kind words from Yogi for young defender Darren Barr. John reckons Barr is a front runner for the SPL young player of the year award and who are we to argue? No-one that’s who. Look what John had to say: “He’s been outstanding. We’re blessed with a lot of good young talented Scottish players but if I was putting forward any Falkirk player it would certainly be him.” And that, that there, is exactly why he’s going to Celtic in the summer.

Hearts

Odd goings on at the Lithuanian international camp. I have no idea if they really have a camp but we must stick to the conventions whether they’re under canvas or not. In any event, the four Hearts players Saulius Mikolaunas, Edgaras Jankauskas, Marius Zaliukas and Andrius Velicka were all sent home. We best let international coach, and more than likely future Hearts boss, Algimantas Liuinskas explain: “Mikolaunas, Zaliukas and Jankauskas are all unfit or injured. Velicka is not right for the game. This is my choice. They have all been sent away. Is it a disappointment to me? Yes, because I like to have as many players as possible who are fit.” Oh I don’t know, Jankauskas is a bit of a looker.

Hearts have reached a settlement with ex-manager Graham Rix over his damages claim following his dismissal from Tynecastle. So that’s one down 345 to go then.

Former caretaker manager at Hearts, and now real proper manager at Raith Rovers, John McGlynn isn’t holding his breath for the coronation of a British boss at Tynecastle. He laid out his reasoning in this manner: “A British manager’s mentality is he runs the whole show. But Mr Romanov says he will have a say and that’s not conducive to a successful British management team. Maybe that’s what Hearts need and there will be a lot who will believe they are the ones who can change things, but Romanov will do what he thinks is best.” And that right there is the very definition of damning with faint praise.

Hearts assistant coach Stephen Frail is hoping to persuade Vladimir Romanov to bring in six new players in the summer. He had this to say for himself: “We had a good week together in Germany, although the full squad wasn’t there. We worked on a few things and there was an opportunity to speak to Mr Romanov. It is the first time I’ve had the chance to talk to him and we discussed who we should be targeting for next season and which players I want to stay.” The first chance to speak to him? How long have you been there?

Hibernian

Buoyed by what was a genuinely impressive demolition of Killie in the CIS Cup final, John Collins appears to have got a little bolshie. He’s now all for challenging the hegemony of the Old Firm, and yes I did just use the word hegemony. The magnificently coiffured manager was interviewed by the Independent, fortunately it was a relative of mine doing the asking so I was able to take notes from my position in the dining room with a tube of Pringles. Said Mr Collins: “I’m not saying we’ll do this or that to the Old Firm but you must always have dreams in football. If I didn’t think we could challenge then I wouldn’t have taken the job.” I’ve always wondered what John Collins dreams about, though I’d always imagined it was mainly a loop of a ball cannoning off David Seaman’s elbow then being slammed past Andy Goram at the other end.

Scott Brown’s off then. Well certainly according to John Collins anyway. The nation’s leading hair model said this: “Scotty will go, probably in the summer. It’s not definite, but if the right offer comes in, Scotty will go in the summer.” If you squint you can almost make out a Rangers top under his Hibs strip. Try it. Hours of fun there.

Ivan Sproule’s not leaving though. You may remember he got a little narked when a ref had the temerity to send him off and made dark threats about fleeing these shores for a country that appreciates a man with a whole-hearted attitude to challenges. But he’s changed his mind now, look: “There was never a grudge with the club or anybody at the club. The gripe was with referees as I felt I was being wrongly punished. Sometimes in life you have to say what is in your mind and there is no use letting it all build up.” And sometimes you have to realise you’ve made a bit of a prannet of yourself and brush it under the carpet.

Inverness CT

Caley Thistle keeper Michael Fraser has welcomed the news that Charlie Christie aint never going nowhere, not never he aint. There were some mutterings that the dapper manager was for the chop, but they were soon quashed by many a right thinking individual. And Fraser for one is delighted, looky: “It’s good to know Charlie is staying and I’d like to repay him as much as possible. He gave me my opportunity and I’ll always be indebted to him for that. Hopefully he’ll be around for a long while to come because he’s been brilliant since he took over as manager.” Yep, I suck up to my boss too.

Kilmarnock

Jim Jefferies is having a bit of a moan, which is unlike him. This time he’s upset at the SPL post-split fixtures. Over to you Jim, cheer us all up why don’t you: “What we are not happy about as a club is the way the fixtures have panned out for us. Last season we had to go to Aberdeen three times and this season we have three away and two at home once again after the split. You would think since we had that last season we would have three at home this time. It’s just typical though. Looking at past fixtures it’s Kilmarnock who seem to lose out. You do get frustrated about it. I know they have a tough job trying to appease everyone but they should have a proper system in place because half the time it’s guess work.” Hell’s teeth Jim, alright you got gubbed in the CIS cup final, it’s time to move on.

Motherwell

Good news for vaguely likable Motherwell boss Maurice Malpas as defender Brian McLean looks like returning from injury before the end of the season. A nasty medial ligament injury in September looked like it might end his season, but the 22 year-old’s on his way back. Read his words: “At the moment I am feeling really good. I have some aches and pains, but that is down to the fact there was a graft from my good knee to help repair the damaged one. It’s really exciting to be back, after the first three months when I was banging my head against a brick wall with all the running.” Hmmm, maybe Well should think about investing in a longer gym. Or Brian should just stop running when the big bricky thing starts to get bigger.

Big Maurice reckons Scott McDonald will be a success at Parkhead mainly because he’s horrid. Ok he didn’t say that, he said this: “He is mentally strong enough to play at Parkhead. I don’t think there’s anything at Parkhead that will frighten him. He is quite confident and knows where he wants to go. He has a wee nasty streak in him that will help him get where he wants to go.” Sounds charming.

Rangers

Comedy striker Bosko Balaban is apparently keen on a move to Rangers in the summer. So that must be filling Gers fans the length and breadth of the country with unmitigated joy. The Croatian hitman bagged an impressive no goals in his 11 appearances for Aston Villa. That was after costing the Midlands comatose giants something like eight hundred million pounds. He then moved to Brugges for a Wham bar and a poorly executed black and white photocopy of a five pound note. It says here that a fee of 1.5 million would be enough to secure the services of the 28 year-old. I would have thought 15 would have sealed it, but what do I know of high finance?

As one player who can’t take his chances arrives another who wasn’t really given a chance leaves. And that, my shiny electric friends, is how to start a paragraph. I’ve got medals for this kind of thing you know. Anyway, Gavin Rae looks like he’s for the off after just 30 appearances since signing from Dundee in January 2004. Poor sausage. Here he is talking: “It looks like this is going to be my last season at Rangers as my contract is up at the end of May. I’ve not been offered anything, so I don’t think there’s any real doubt I’ll be moving on. I think I would give England a go. After leaving Rangers, there aren’t many teams you would like to go to in Scotland.” So Gavin Rae and Kenny Miller as a joint signing at Derby it is then.

Rather sadly, Dado Prso is going to have to call it a day at Rangers as well as a persistent knee injury has finally taken its toll. The big Croatian isn’t retiring though, instead he’ll be looking for a league where the physical demands are slightly less terrifying. Here he is: “I said to Walter I am just sad I didn’t get a chance to come here when I was younger and in better shape. I would have loved to play here longer.” Bless him and his wee ponytail. Meanwhile, a Rangers fans spokesman believes the supporters would like to see Northern Irish goal prodigy David Healy replace Prso. I bet they would, especially after his rather impressive double strike against Sweden in the week. Of course, it should be pointed out that Healy is still in single figures for his club side Leeds. So that might give them pause.

St Mirren

Falkirk should be the exemplar for St Mirren this season, that’s what Gus MacPherson reckons anyway. With a bare six points separating the Buddies from the Pars at the bottom of the table, it’s starting to get a wee bit tight for the Paisley side. And Big Gus had this to say about their next opponents: “Everybody talks about Falkirk and how they’ve been able to consolidate. We would like to do that. We’ve given ourselves a fantastic chance.” Of course it helps that Dunfermline have been fairly dire. Not my words Gus, the words of someone that just ran away in terror.

First Division

Jimmy Bone is the man in charge at Partick Thistle after Dick Campbell was given the Spanish archer. The ex-St Mirren man will take over the team until the end of the season and might even stay on at Maryhill Road after that. The lucky devil. We best hear from the Jags then, here we go: “There is little doubt that Jimmy being willing to take on the role for the rest of the season is a positive one as it will allow the board time to make a valued assessment of the situation and not be forced into making a quick and hasty decision on the new manager. And, at the same time, it gives Jimmy the opportunity to throw his hat into the ring when the decision time comes along.” Cosmic.

Second Division

Forfar have plumped for former East Fife boss Jim Moffat after ditching George Shaw. Loons chairman David McGregor explained to the waiting hordes: “Despite the number of candidates we interviewed, we felt we had to go for someone experienced on this occasion.” Which is a shame really as I had been led to believe Gary Bollan and Stephen Wright were in the frame, which could have been interesting.

Ayr United have been busy little bees, with all manner of new players pitching up at Somerset Park. Paul Shields - you may remember him when he was going to be good at Celtic - has joined on loan from Livingston. Meanwhile Gretna’s teenage striker Fraser McLean will be joining him. So by ‘all manner of new players’ I do in fact mean two.

Alloa have signed David McEwan from Hamilton Accies until the end of the season. The 25-year old keeper will be replacing Scott Findlay who was told to find a new club. Excitingly, McEwan used to play for Shotts Bon Accord, which is a marvelous name for a football club. It’s no Eleven Men In Flight, but it has a certain ring.

It’s all about the Second Division this week, as Armand One has left Raith Rovers so he can join Finnish giants Turun Palloseura. One, in his globetrotting career, has played for Tamworth, Thistle, Cowdenbeath, Raith, Nantes, Cambridge United and Wrexham. I bet he’s brilliant at Risk.

Third Division

Albion Rovers have brought in two young strikers until the end of the season. John McGeoch has joined after stints with Motherwell and Celtic, while Andrew Brown has signed from Newcastle Amateurs. I was devastated to discover it wasn’t the same Andy ‘bomber’ Brown who used to play for Dumbarton, one of the few players to actually get smaller when he jumped.

Premiership

Due to shocking over-SPL-ing things and a rather impressive turnout from the Second Division, there’s not a huge amount of room here. But then there’s not a huge amount going on.

Apparently, if Arsenal don’t sign Julio Baptista they’ll go for Robinho. There’s one word for that: piffle. He’s far too good for the Premiership and exactly the wrong type of player. He’d be booted over the Shelf at White Hart Lane before you could say “I knew we shouldn’t have signed a tiny Brazilian child”.

Other news? Oh I don’t know. Spurs are after Metzelder apparently and also want that Portuguese winger Nani at Sporting Lisbon so there must be some cash rattling around in the Enic coffers. Villa are after perennial Championship Manager favourite Kim Kallstrom who could set them back 8 million. Man United aren’t getting Dimitar Berbatov so they may turn their attentions to Obafemi Martins at Newcastle.

And other plainly untrue rubbish. Wait for the transfer window, it’ll all become clear then.

Best Laid Claims

I have nothing more to add at this stage, though that may change. Return to your homes and await my instructions.