Burst Baw: The funniest football player names in history - Part One

Published on Thursday 21 January 2010 11:58

LIFE as a football pundit isn't easy at the best of times. But imagine having to read out the following team sheet with a straight face. Over the coming weeks we'll be bringing you team selections that would make the air turn blue. We hope you enjoy part one. Those who are easily offended should look away now.

Steve Death

Mr Death put the fear of God into forwards during his 471 appearances in goal for Reading from 1969 to 1982.

Death's divine form in 1979 saw him play 1,103 minutes without conceding a goal.

Danny Shittu

The one time Rangers target currently plays for Bolton Wanderers and was born in Lagos, Nigeria.

The 29-year-old started out with Charlton before being bought by a QPR fan in 2002 who paid his wages during his first of four seasons at the club.

Shittu was signed for newly promoted Watford in 2006 and after a successful spell with the Hornets was snapped up by Bolton in 2008.

Rafael Scheidt

Partnering Shittu in our central defence is the rather less successful Scheidt, whose surname still sends a shiver down the necks of Celtic supporters.

A 5 million pound signing under the ill-fated Barnes/ Dalglish era the Brazilian's form was similar to his surname.

Scheidt, living proof that all Brazilians aren't good at football, made three appearances for the Hoops before being shipped out by Martin O'Neil in 2000.

Rod Fanni

You would be a tad red-faced as a manager saying to your chairman that you were keen on this chap.

The 28-year-old defender currently plays for Rennes and was once eyed by Sam Alardyce when he was manager at Newcastle.

David Busst

A commanding figure in the Coventry defence, Busst played 50 times for Coventry from 1992 to 1996.

His career was sadly ended as a result of an injury during Coventry's Premiership match against Manchester United in 1996.

Emmanuel Panther

Our chosen right winger, who shares the same first name as a famous blue movie, couldn't have had it easy growing up in Glasgow.

The son of Nigerian boxer Cyril Panther has been somewhat of a journeyman during his career having played for St. Johnstone, Partick Thistle, Brechin City, York City, Exeter City and Rushden & Diamonds.

Panther was last spotted at League Two side Morecambe.

Brian Pinas

On our left flank is one of the most ridiculed players ever to have played in English football.

The Sun ran an editorial when he signed for Newcastle in 1998 entitled 'Pity soccer star Brian Pinas. The first time a referee takes his name he'll get sent off for using foul language'.

He made one first team appearance before being sold back to Feyenoord a year later.

Wayne Wanklyn

The midfielder that dare not speak his name makes it into our squad list on account of having played in the same Reading side as keeper Steve Death in 1978.

Since retiring as a player, Wanklyn went on the manage such giants of the football world as Fleet Town and Bracknell Town.

Ars Bandeet

Played for Algeria in 1970s as a midfielder. That's all we're saying.

Ralf Minge

The first half of our strike pairing scored 103 goals during his spell with Dynamo Dresden from 1980 to 1991, picking up 36 caps for East Germany.

After his playing career ended, Minge became coach with Dresden before his big career break as number two to Klaus Toppmuller during Bayer Leverkusen's successful era at the start of this century.

Mario Turdo

Minge is assisted up front by our man Turdo.

When you're a striker who's not banging them in the last thing you want is a surname like the Argentinian's.

Turdo's scored only 20 goals in 157 appearances at a litany of clubs including Celta Viga and Rennes.

He now plies his trade back in Argentina with San Martin de Tucuman.

Feel free to add any suggestions to be featured in Part Two in the comments section below.

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