Aidan Smith: Is this Hibs team a bunch of fondant fancies or a meringue?

Published on Sunday 13 November 2011 01:49

COLIN Calderwood, when he was at Easter Road, was careful not to find himself alone in a room with a journalist too often. But he did grant me a one-to-one interview.

This was a couple of months into his tenure, so the 3-0 win at Ibrox had already happened and already been found to be freakish, and Hibs had still to be dragged back to Ayr’s Somerset Park for their ritualistic Scottish Cup wimp-out. Calderwood gave a good account of himself that day, though. I wasn’t sure how much pretty football the Hibees would be playing under him – not much, was my guess – but I had to accept the harsh lesson of history on this: every two-and-a-half managers we’ll get a no-nonsense one for whom a prosaic three points is all.

The most telling remark from our hour together was one that he stressed had to be off the record. “This team are soft as s**t,” he said. “In all my time in football I’ve never come across one like it.” He didn’t want this used, I guess, for fear of upsetting the sensibilities of the modern footballer – delicate at the best of times – and of course Easter Road was not unfamiliar with mutinies. But it’s worth considering his comment now, I think, in light of his departure and Hibs’ continued fecklessness.

If you equate “soft” with “artistic” then I think most Hibs fans would accept an element of marshmallow as part of the club’s DNA. Faintly ludicrous, I know, but that’s just who we are. If Kilmarnock manager Kenny Shiels had labelled Hibs “the most aggressive team in the SPL”, as he did Hearts a fortnight ago, we’d have been appalled. But there are limits to how soft and artistic and “Hello trees, hello sky” and Fotherington-Thomas we’re willing to be, for the amusement of everyone else. At the end of John Hughes’ first season in charge my good friend Rab attended a fans’ awards night. Most of the team were present and they moved round the tables handing out little nuggets about what it was like to play football for Hibernian.

Everyone said how much they loved the swanky training complex in East Lothian, especially on Fridays. “What happens on Fridays?” asked Rab. “David Wotherspoon brings in cakes – his mum’s a brilliant baker.” “Fantastic,” said Rab, partial to empire biscuits himself. “And on the odd occasions she isn’t able to deliver, one of the young lads is volunteered to go down to the Greggs in Tranent, so Fridays are always cake days.”

I know what you’re thinking: Fridays are cake days and on Saturdays Hibs play like fondant fancies or somesuch thinly-coated and gloopily-filled equivalent. Well, they didn’t, not back then. But I admit that during the first lousy performance following the revelation we were shouting: “Lay off the bloody cream buns!”

You don’t mind hearing about players’ indulgences when your team is doing well; you accept they’re part of “bonding”. But, at the merest sign of trouble, you want the spoiled brats’ privileges removed.

I have no idea whether the cake run survived even Hughes’ (brief) second season, never mind the arrival of Calderwood, but the training centre is still there.

So, am I suggesting it be torn down as punishment for vanilla slice football? Well, not quite, although I do remember asking Calderwood if he thought nice surroundings made players too comfortable. Half-jokingly, I suggested that getting down to proper work on Saturdays when it’s raining and the crowd are grumpy might have become too much of a culture-shock. Quarter-jokingly, I suggested the installation of a coal chute (this after Calderwood told me how part of his duties as a young player at Mansfield Town involved lugging sacks of the black stuff to the top of the main stand). The manager laughed at this but said, no, the complex was a good thing. He couldn’t sort out Hibs, though.

I’m sure the centre is a great thing and I love visiting and getting lost among the team photos and action shots from bygone eras.

One thing, though: Tony Mowbray’s fine side used to have to pile into a minibus for bibs-and-cones training on school pitches. Actually, another thing: Eddie Turnbull’s great side was sometimes chased by a parkie.

These are things the current lot, who work out their moves on true surfaces although it’s difficult to tell come matchdays, would do well to remember.

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Baldrick

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 10:38 PM

I still think I'm right. Hibs predicament has nothing to do with managers. It's their inability to retain good players. Every single, solitary half-decent player is sold by the Hibs board as fast as they possibly can.

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Taigh na Croiche

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 09:24 PM

Hibs team on cakes the day before a game? True professionals, eh?

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helsinki

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 03:13 PM

its got to be between JJ,Brown,Lennon,O´Niel,Butcher and Robbo. I would go for O´Niel or JJ.but i would think Butcher,Robbo and Lennon would do a decent job.i dont care if they played or managed Hearts before.we are in dire straits.i would take Attila the Hun at this point if he would get us up the table....

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boozy

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 12:55 PM

No Aidan you are not meringue, cakes at training FFS Eddie must be turning in his grave. I only hope Billy Brown loses his fit right-up this lots Vanilla slices !

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Talking Sense

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 12:50 PM

The current Hibs team is suffering from the lack of a decent central defence and full backs who are unable to tackle properly and allow crosses to come in too easily. Thus the opposition are allowed too many chances and thus goals against are too easily conceded. Also, maybe they are not protected enough by the tracking back and effort of the midfield. Oh, and a goalkeeper who is glued to his line and cannot help out the central defence.

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Hen Broon

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 10:56 AM

You would have thought Big Yogi would know how to inject a bit of steel into a side. What ever CC thought it was his job to sort it out. The current undeachievers are all of his making hence i am not quite sure the current relivance of the article.( iam assuming Fridays cakes were in addition to and not instead of training). The training facility reference is further total nonsense......all the sucesfull teams have excellent facilities. BB is no tactical genuis but he does not suffer fools gladly........not saying he is the man for the job(he is not) but a few weeks of him telling them some home truths wil be a good thing & I fully expect results to improve.

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greenginger

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 10:09 AM

The time frame for the Interview must have been last December early January. C C. must have signed at least 10 players since then and still not solved the problem he says he identified at the outset. Clueless Colin well named.

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neil7908

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 03:44 AM

Forgot to also say though that I do appreciate Smith making this public now that CC has left as this is something that seriously needs addressed by the next manager and its also interesting that CC seems aware of the teams deficiences but was unableincapable of fixing them.

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neil7908

Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 03:41 AM

Its bizarre as I think that Hughes publicly made similar comments to CC about how soft the team is and its something that every Hibs fan, opposition manager, spectator etc have known for a long time. Infact this dates back years and years now and cant be blamed on one manager or set of players - it seems like a rot has set in at ER and despite Collins trying to get a more professional culture and other managers like Hughes and CC identifying this problem it just hasn't been addressed. "One thing, though: Tony Mowbray’s fine side used to have to pile into a minibus for bibs-and-cones training on school pitches." Using Mowbrays era to make a point on this is frankly laughable - considering the quality players he had available his team were about as solid as a game of jenga made of jelly. I remember watching them go 4-1 up at ER against a Dundee team that was relegated the same season and they ended up drawing 4-4. As soon as Dundee pulled a goal back to make it 4-2 the team was keeking themselves, and this was a side with Murphy, Brown, Thomson etc. Actually I would argue that this softness started with Mowbray who took one of the most talented squads outside the OF in years and severly underachieved. Because he was lucky enough to take over after Mr Blobby and we did play some decent football he was let off the hook for these kinds of results. Also the training pitch is totally irrelevant - see Man Utd, Chelsea, Barca, Real Madrid or any other successful team in the world that has excellent facilites but also can create a winning mentality.

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