Which Bond girl are you?

Published on Monday 27 October 2008 20:06

You've recently met a new man you're interested in, but you're not sure whether he likes you too. How do you go about finding out?

a Try a few kung fu moves. There's no point dating a man who can't kick back.

b Tell him you think he's a wannabe terrorist with a chip on his shoulder. You enjoy playing hard to get.

c Read the tarot cards and see if the Lovers pops up. What? Is there a better way?

d Tell him about your powerful thighs. That usually gets their attention.

Your boss asks you to start working longer hours with no increase in salary. What do you do?

a Withhold aeroplane privileges until he puts up the money. If you, as his personal pilot, won't fly him where he wants to go, how can he run his evil empire efficiently?

b Refuse politely. It's not fiscally prudent and your boss, being Alastair Darling, ought to know that.

c Agree. You've always done what the boss says. After all, he keeps a lot of big snakes.

d Remind your government agency boss about those powerful thighs of yours.

You're going for a big night-out with the girls. What do you wear?

a Trousers and a simple gold top. You wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt.

b An elegant Roberto Cavalli dress. Pared-down chic is your trademark look.

c Something floaty, long and white. You loved this summer's maxi-dress look.

d Red leather, red lips, red nails, red heels. Hell, you might even bring out the red leather whip.

Your best friend has just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her and turns up on your doorstep, looking for advice. How do you help her in her hour of need?

a Offer her a job in your flying circus. There's nothing like joining a band of sexy women pilots to take your mind off a heartbreak.

b Look at it from a financial perspective: did the relationship make good business sense in the first place? If not, tell her she's better off without him.

c Give her a tarot reading. After all, the cards never lie (unless your boyfriend's fixed them).

d Get your gun out and head round to his place. You could do with a laugh this evening, after all.

Your boyfriend says he'd like to take the next step and meet your family. What do you do?

a He's already met them – your real family being your girlfriends.

b You don't have any. You don't mind though; true love is all that matters to you.

c Explain that your mother died as a consequence of losing her virginity (and yes, if he's wondering, this might happen to you too).

d Family? What is that? Do they need to be shot?

There's been a leak in your bathroom ceiling for a while now and one day, while you're in the shower, the ceiling falls in. What do you do?

a Winch yourself up there and fix it. You don't need a man around for this sort of stuff.

b Phone every plumber in town and hunt down the best fiscal deal.

c Scream loudly and call your boyfriend, in tears, saying you don't know what to do.

d Move house. It wasn't yours, anyway.

Where is your ideal holiday destination?

a Any sort of flying holiday would be ideal. With your female friends, obviously.

b A sailing trip to Venice with the man (OK, one of the men) you love.

c New Orleans. You've always been interested in voodoo.

d Anywhere other than a jungle in Cuba where you have to dangle out of a helicopter at an awkward angle.

You've been in a relationship for a while, but things are beginning to get a bit stale and predictable. How do you go about putting the spice back into your love life?

a Join the Mile High Club, and whisper sweet nothings in a husky voice.

b Suddenly remember about your other boyfriend. You know, the French-Algerian one who's being brutally tortured by the baddies. That ought to get the current guy's attention.

c Tell him that you're a virgin. Again.

d Murder him using your thighs during a passionate lovemaking session. Why not kill two birds with one stone?

You're in Starbucks when someone accidentally spills their venti caramel macchiato all over your new shoes. How do you react?

a Kick them in the solar plexus with one of your kung fu moves, then help them up with a smile. There's no real harm done, after all.

b Get their insurance details. This is a business matter and it needs to be handled properly.

c Smile sweetly and tell them you don't mind – after all, they may have a snake in their bag.

d Growl maniacally, throw them to the floor, take their ribcage between your thighs and squeeze violently while making loud cat noises until they stop breathing. That was your favourite pair of Louboutins!

How does a man react when you tell him your name?

a He looks at you in a slightly stunned way and then says woozily, "I must be dreaming".

b He remarks, "I hope you gave your parents hell for that".

c He doesn't need to ask. You connect on a spiritual level.

d He asks if you're Georgian.

You're going to a wedding and you've been asked to wear a hat. What do you choose?

a In that case, you're not going. You'd rather blow up Fort Knox than wear a girly-looking fascinator.

b Something smart and elegant, probably by Philip Treacy.

c That enormous, bejewelled turquoise headdress with the big peacock feathers you keep in the wardrobe should do nicely.

d You don't need a hat. Your chignon's so big you could keep a Derringer revolver in there. In fact, you often do.

What is your favourite drink?

a Champagne

b The vodka martini your boyfriend named after you.

c You only drink purified spring water, because alcohol clouds the mind.

d A martini, straight up with a twist, of course.

Mostly As

YOU ARE PUSSY GALORE, FROM GOLDFINGER

A devoted trouser-wearer who has made smirking into an art form, you only tolerate men and are often very suspicious of their motives. You've learned how to play hard to get, but you're not averse to a little roll in the hay once in a while – as long as it's strictly on your terms. Ultimately, though, you can live without a man in your life, but what you can't live without are your beloved planes and your female friends. Oh, and that devastatingly sexy, husky voice of course.

Mostly Bs

YOU ARE VESPER LYND, FROM CASINO ROYALE

A cool, calculated and rather frosty exterior hides a heart of gold. You have a brilliant business brain and smart head for figures, but that does not mean you're incapable of falling in love. Unfortunately, however, you've never quite worked out the meaning of monogamy and you're not averse to playing men off against each other, particularly if a large sum of money is involved. You love the Forties look and you like a drink as much as the next girl, as long as it's not too expensive. In future, though, try to keep your work and your love life separate – it only ends in tears (or canals) otherwise.

Mostly Cs

YOU ARE SOLITAIRE, FROM LIVE AND LET DIE

Sweet, innocent, virginal, you have a tendency to gape like a fish when you don't understand what's happening (which is quite often) and you also do the "confused but pretty" look incredibly well. You have a talent for seeing into the future and spend a lot of your time reading your beloved tarot cards but you're also young and nave, so you fall for the simplest tricks that men play on you. Just for the record, that losing your virginity deal was a one-time thing, OK?

Mostly Ds

YOU ARE XENIA ONATOPP, FROM GOLDENEYE

Ruthless and cold-blooded – and that's just how your closest friends would describe you. You'll stop at nothing to get what you want, you enjoy inflicting harm on others and you're a dab hand with a revolver (or indeed, two revolvers – at the same time). Your friends keep on telling you to slow down, but for you, it's the thrill of the chase that keeps you going. You're a passionate lover – if a little physically overenthusiastic sometimes – you smoke like a chimney (preferably cigars) and you're a bad loser at the poker table. But you've also found that men will forgive a woman in red leather just about anything…