Kate McCann: I fantasised we would all be wiped out in a car crash

Published on Friday 30 April 2010 23:03

KATE McCann imagined her entire family being killed in a car crash as she struggled to deal with the disappearance of her daughter Madeleine.

• Kate and Gerry McCann say they have told Madeleine's story to twins Amelie and Sean. Picture: PA

In an interview to mark the third anniversary since her daughter went missing, she revealed how she struggled with dark thoughts after Madeleine vanished.

She said: "I used to have thoughts like, we'll get wiped out in the car on the motorway. So it would just happen, we'd all be gone, and the pain would be away. But what I do know now for sure is that I don't want that. Things have changed. I am desperate to be here with Sean and Amelie and to help find Madeleine."

Mrs McCann issued an emotional message to her daughter to mark the anniversary of her disappearance on 3 May, 2007.

She said: "We will never give up until we've found you."

Madeleine's father, Gerry, said: "Madeleine, we're still looking for you. Tell someone who your mummy and daddy are, who you are."

Mr and Mrs McCann, from Rothley, Leicestershire, have never given up their search for Madeleine, who disappeared from the family's holiday flat in Praia da Luz in the Algarve while her parents dined with friends nearby. The couple continue to be critical of the Portuguese authorities.

Mr McCann said: "There are many people who've tried to derail what we're doing along the way."

Mrs McCann added: "I also think there'll be some people who would be greatly embarrassed if Madeleine was found and that scares me. That scares me. That might affect their want, or not, for Madeleine to be found."

Nonetheless the couple, who have recently told their five-year-old twins Sean and Amelie the full story of their older sister's disappearance, say they are finally learning to enjoy life again.

Mrs McCann said: "I'm able to look at it now and think, actually it's positive we're functioning. It's positive for Madeleine and for Sean and Amelie and unless you're in this situation you have absolutely no idea how you cope."

Mr McCann, a consultant, compared the family's experience to that of fighting cancer.

"There are different types of loss and I suppose losing a child is one of the hardest things to cope with," he said. "Fighting cancer over a long period is another similar battle.

"The difference with what we face compared to losing a child who's died is that we have an ongoing situation – and the unknown.

"The guilt, where you feel, 'Madeleine is missing so how can you enjoy yourself?' – that is much, much, much less than it was and I think if you're going to have some sort of normality, you've got to have some laughter and some joy."

The McCanns said they were "delighted and relieved" that a new Europe-wide alert system for missing children was going ahead.

The UK part of the missing child early warning network is launched on 25 May, which has been named International Missing Children's Day.