Affairs on the increase, and regret can prove too much

Published on Thursday 13 March 2008 01:09

EXTRA-MARITAL affairs are on the increase in the UK, according to the latest statistics, and experts say the guilt felt by those conducting them can be overwhelming.

Professor Janet Reibstein, author of The Best Kept Secret: How Love Can Last Forever, said the consequences were different for men and women. Men still found it easier in practical terms, she said, because they had more time that they did not need to account for.

Women were still expected to be the "carer" of the marriage.

She said men felt guilt "intermittently", but were able to compartmentalise their lives.

"That seems to be a way of managing guilt," she said. "But when the affair is discovered it all falls apart. The impact of what they are doing and what happens to the primary relationship is a huge trauma and they can't just siphon it off any more."

People feared once the affair was discovered, the marriage would be exposed as a failure.

Penny Mansfield, director of One Plus One, a relationship research firm, said the number of individuals with more than one sexual partner was increasing. However,

the percentage of people disapproving of such relationships was still above 80.

Professor Cary Cooper, an expert in occupational psychology and health at Lancaster University, said as communities broke down and the population became more socially mobile, affairs could become more likely.

Workmates could start a relationship based on mutual understanding and shared passions, while spouses could drift apart because they worked in different sectors.