Time to follow America’s lead on dealing with the effects of divorce

Published on Sunday 1 June 2008 19:48

WHEN parents divorce, it is not just their own relationship that can be damaged beyond repair. Too often, children get caught in the crossfire, and can struggle to deal with the trauma of the split.

Now, leading family lawyers want Scotland to explore parental education to help reduce the negative impact of divorce on children. Writing in Thursday’s Scotsman, Cath Karlin, the head of family law at HBJ Gateley Wareing, and former convener of the Scottish Collaborative Family Law Group, called for a pilot scheme to test parent education classes, already the norm in other countries.

Last week, Karlin’s firm hosted training seminars for family solicitors, delivered by “divorce coach” Christina McGhee, who has ten years’ experience of educating parents in the US.

McGhee, a certified mediator and psychotherapist, says parent education is now part of the US family court system, with compulsory referrals in some states: “Parent education has been in existence in the US for probably 30 years and within my own jurisdiction in Texas, it’s been around for about 25 years,” she says.

“For the last eight years it has been mandatory, so when parents make application to separate and divorce, one of the requirements is that they attend a four-hour parenting class, designed to deal with how to help your children go through the process of separation and divorce.”

The American attitude to divorce is often assumed to be as litigious as the fictional split portrayed in the film Kramer vs Kramer, but McGhee says parent education is part of a wider shift away from the adversarial approach: “The development of the no-fault divorce and mediations started gaining momentum, and along with that parent education did as well.

“As it continued to grow, programmes continued to get very good feedback from parents. Around 90-95 per cent of parents feel that participation in the programme was time well-spent.”

McGhee concedes that it is difficult to show hard evidence that the classes have a lasting impact for children, but notes that studies have shown benefits: “There is not a tremendous amount of research in terms of longitudinal studies with parental education. There have been a few, usually with six months to a year follow-up, showing a decrease in conflict.

“What I would like to really impress on Scotland is that it’s a good place for everyone to start. The sooner that children and parents have access to good information, the less likely they are to get caught up in the negative aspects that we all hear so much about, such as change in academic performance, drug usage, mental health problems and teenage pregnancy.”

McGhee says that in the US, a range of different providers can offer classes, including the family court system and the not-for-profit sector. A typical class will last four hours, with parents paying the equivalent of 20-25. There are arrangements to help parents in financial difficulty. Teaching is done in groups – there is no requirement for parents to attend with a former partner – and the issues covered include reassuring children they are not to blame, and dealing with situations where a child may not want to see one parent.

McGhee adds that there are limits to what a four-hour class can achieve, but says that it has helped change attitudes: “It is not a cure-all – it’s not going to fix parents that are not interested in changing.

“But if you can give a parent one new idea – have them look at the process through their children’s eyes, have them rethink how they are interacting with their ex- partner – to me, you’ve accomplished something.”

She adds that parents might also change their attitude towards the divorce process itself: “I think you are also setting the stage, when they have had a positive experience in a parenting class, for them to seek out other resources, other services, or perhaps choose a different route – perhaps a collaborative or mediation route to deal with their issues.

“I frequently have parents come up to me and say, ‘You know, I never thought about things in this way before – it’s really changed how I think about what my children are going through,’ or ,‘It was so beneficial to hear other parents talk.’

“That’s the other benefit of parent education – it normalises the process. When they are able to come in a room and have that interaction with other parents and hear about other parents’ situations and circumstances and know they are not alone, other parents have handled or not handled things well, can be really very powerful.”

But there are pitfalls to the American system, she admits: “One of the issues that we struggle with in the States is the negative stigma around parent education. Because it’s mandatory, a lot of parents feel somewhat put off, or punished, so you have to work really hard to move out of that place at the beginning of the class.

“Again, the vast majority feel it was a very positive experience, but initially it’s more like a punitive box they have to tick in order to get where they need to be.”

As a result, not all parents have been willing to take part, and the US courts have taken different approaches to this problem. “Some judges are very, very strict and will actually tell parents, ‘Do not come in my courtroom unless you’ve had this class,’” she says.

“But there are some judges who have the perspective that they are not going to stop someone from going through the divorce process if they choose not to participate. While it is mandatory, some parents might use it to stall the process – they won’t participate so they can’t go through the divorcing process, so judges aren’t going to penalise the other parent who did their part.”

But it is not essential for both parents to take part in the classes for children to benefit, she adds. “Even if one parent goes and gets the information and can make different choices, it’s still going to benefit children. It’s better than nobody getting information at all.”

Relationships Scotland – formerly Family Mediation Scotland – is to offer parent education classes and are lobbying for it to become the norm. McGhee says she has been encouraged by the enthusiasm towards parent education in Scotland, and notes that there could be benefits for family lawyers.

“They will end up working with parents in a different way,” she says. “The time is still spent, but what happens is you don’t spend it in the fighting process but in resolving the issues that need to be resolved.

“I think that it frees up lawyers to do what they are trained to do – they are not trained to be counsellors. And yet they have a significant amount of influence with parents, and I believe that they really have the ability to shape a parent’s divorce experience.”

&#149 Further information: www.divorceandchildren.com