Theatre review: Panic Patterns

Published on Thursday 21 October 2010 18:55

PANIC PATTERNS CITIZENS' THEATRE, GLASGOW ***

THE world of comedy is strewn with successful writing partnerships – however, if this vivid but largely meaningless work by fellow-writers and life-partners Louise Welsh and Zoe Strachan is any guide, there are good reasons why serious playwrights should work alone.

Commissioned by the current Glasgay! festival, Panic Patterns is set on a lonely island off northern Scotland, where two academic ornithologists who are also lovers find themselves stranded, in the midst of an increasingly mysterious radio blackout. Jacq is the older of the two, a controlled and controlling university teacher in love with former research student and rising academic star Fay, who is convinced that something catastrophic has happened in the world beyond the island, and also is convinced that Jacq is in the process of betraying their love.

The play's problem is that, despite the hint of a post-apocalyptic background, what really seems to concern the writers is the utterly tedious bickering of these two women. Between them, the writers conjure up 50 minutes of manufactured conflict and dramatically pointless sarcasm between characters about whom it's difficult to give a damn.

Alison Peebles's production just edges a three-star rating thanks to an atmospheric set and soundscape, and a pair of blistering performances from Selina Boyack and Veronica Leer. The play itself, though, has almost nothing to say.

To paraphrase the old saying about boys at work, it suggests that one playwright is a playwright, and two playwrights are no playwright at all.