The wit of the last of the Goons

Published on 28/02/2002 00:00

SPIKE Milligan was known for his irreverent and often self-deprecating wit:

"Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."

"I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."

"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke."

On Prince Philip: "He was f***ing lucky to marry the Queen. He had nothing when he met her. His arse was hanging out of his trousers."

"I suppose basically I am very talented, but I am not personally aware of that."

On receiving an honorary CBE in 1992: "I can’t see the sense in it really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes - at least that exists!"

On being told by Prince Charles that even he had to swear an oath of allegiance: "Yes, but it’s your mother, isn’t it? You don’t get board and lodging at Buckingham Palace if you don’t swear an oath."

Hamlet

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, "I’ll do a sketch of thee, What kind of pencil shall I use, 2B or not 2B?"

Rain

There are holes in the sky

Where the rain gets in,

But they’re ever so small

That’s why rain is thin.