The tale of the not-so-ancient skulls

Published on Tuesday 24 June 2008 21:07

TV review

Legend of the Crystal Skulls: Revealed, Five

The Supersizers Go…

Regency, BBC2

THE Indiana Jones movie currently running in cinemas is most probably the last one that will be made with Harrison Ford as the ageing adventurer. Yet if the franchise is revived in a few decades' time, I have the perfect title: Indiana Jones and the Ancient Wally Dugs of Destiny. For why not – according to Five's Revealed series, the noble wally dug has at least as much mystic significance as the crystal skulls which form the plot for his latest film.

This may not be news to anyone with a basic understanding of science, but out there in the world of spirit fairs, there are people solemnly avowing that these striking artefacts are actually space computers, given to the Mayans by aliens, via Atlantis. The programme invited a medium called Carol Wilson to log on to the most famous "Skull of Doom" (rather obvious why that name wasn't used by Indy, I guess) and she obligingly transmitted its message in a peculiar voice. "Thissss… isss… the oral traditionsss of… yourrr native people-ah," she intoned, sounding remarkably like Mark E Smith of The Fall. (You don't think? No, of course not.)

This particular skull was supposedly discovered in Central America by an exciting explorer, Frederick Mitchell-Hedges, who travelled the world having boys' own adventures in the early 20th century. The internet, or possibly a skull, informs me that he also once wrote a book about some of them called Battles With Giant Fish, which sounds fantastic, doesn't it? He was supposedly – the narration told us – the inspiration for Indiana Jones, though, going by old footage, thankfully not in sartorial matters or Dr Jones would have worn a flat cap instead of a fedora.

Mitchell-Hedges's daughter Anna accompanied him on his expeditions, and until she died, aged 100 in 2006, she spent her long life insisting that the beautifully carved skull was authentic. This encouraged a curious following who were convinced that the crystal had other-worldly properties.

Yet, as this programme revealed (hence the name)… it hadn't. In fact, once properly examined under microscopes, all 13 of the famous crystal skulls turned out to have been shaped by more modern tools than the Mayans could have had. The crystal from at least one was actually from Madagascar and another could be silicone-dated to the 1950s.

The originator of the skulls seemed to have been a man called Eugene Boban, who ran a sort of glorified souvenir shop in Mexico City in the mid-19th century. Having run out of actual antiquities, he most likely got some locals to knock up some more and only stopped short of having "a present from Mexico" inscribed on the bottom. They were lovely ornaments, but not ancient.

Well, that wouldn't make for much of a story, so you could see why George Lucas had skipped that part. But Mitchell-Hedges, Anna and the Giant Fish – now there's a tale waiting to be told.

Meanwhile, the entertaining series The Supersizers Go… finished with Giles Coren and Sue Perkins stuffing their faces with Regency-era food, proving that if Mr Darcy was a typical eater of the day, he would have been bulging out of that wet shirt. For the landed gentry ate and ate, with endless dishes piled up to display their wealth – none of them very appetising now.

It's hardly a serious culinary history, focusing mainly on Coren and Perkins' attempts to out-quip each other, but you do pick up some information, and the latter, particularly, was gamely prepared to make an utter fool of herself in the service of fun.