The odd couple and the umber-ella-ella

Published on Sunday 17 February 2008 18:46

DAVID Lee's pick of the week

WEDNESDAY

OZZY & SHARON OSBORNE

THEY may not be the oddest couple ever to present the Brit Awards (remember Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox?) but I'm not convinced the Osborne combo will work. His foul-mouthed shambling may have some attraction when edited and spliced together for The Osbornes TV show, but I can't see him hitting the heights as a presenter. Sharon might be able to carry it off, but my bet is it will be car-crash TV.

The list of live performers isn't too bad, to be fair, with the Kaiser Chiefs, Kylie and Mark Ronson joining Sir Macca of Scouseland on stage.

But you'll also have to cope with Rihanna and her umber-ella-ella-ella and Leona bleeding Lewis – if I have to listen to that bleeding song one more time, I might just have to shoot her.

The show – at Earls Court, London – will also see Sir Macca-Pacca receive a Lifetime Achievement award (unless the divorce hearing drags on), while the Critics' Choice award goes to Adele – is it me, or is anyone else tired of Chasing Pavements and hearing how wonderful she is? OK, just me then.

Comeback kings Take That, along with bleeding Leona and fey, Freddie-voiced Mika are each nominated four times while the Arctic Monkeys, the Kaiser Chiefs, Ronson and Kate Nash all have three. Altogether now, "You say I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitt-ahhhh, I say I'd rather be with your friends, mate, because they are much fitt-ah." The first time I heard that, I laughed, but later I grew to quite like it, so I won't say anything unpleasant about Kate. But did I say that I'm not too keen on Leona Lewis?

MONDAY-FRIDAY

GLENN CLOSE

IF YOU haven't watched Damages, then give it a go – although it is getting fiendishly complicated and it might be worth getting the DVD box set. It is a stonkingly good drama, featuring Close as hard-as-nails lawyer Patty Hewes, pitched against corrupt businessman Arthur Frobisher. He is facing a lawsuit from ex-employees of his company, amid claims he was insider trading and lying to employees about the health of his company. Silver-haired Ted Danson is brilliant too.

WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY

JRME KERVIEL

NORMALLY, a board meeting of the French bank Socit Gnrale would be of little interest – but since junior trader Jrme Kerviel "lost" around 3.7 billion, its proceedings are more exciting. Chairman Jean-Martin Folz said a committee, headed by him, will present its findings on the regrettable deficits at its Wednesday board meeting. Full-year results are out the next day. Soc-Gen had already lost more than 1.5bn in the collapse of the US subprime market, so plenty of carelessness to talk about.

WEDNESDAY

AIDEN McGEADY

A COLLEAGUE of mine, a fine chap called Frank O'Donnell, has a great story about the flying Celtic winger. During the 1998 World Cup in France, O'Donnell was watching a youth game at the Trocadero beside the Eiffel Tower. One player stood out so much that Frank went up to a coach and asked the name of the outstanding young talent. It was, as you may have guessed, Aiden McGeady – aged 12. A year later, he signed a boot deal with Adidas and was soon snapped up by Celtic – and later the Republic of Ireland, but it's best not to intrude on national grief.

McGeady has excelled in European games at Celtic Park this season and is probably the home team's best hope of breaching Barcelona's defence in the first leg in the Champions League last 16 game. Unless Celtic go to Spain with at least a one-goal advantage, it's impossible to see them progressing. So let's hope McGeady is in flying form.

THURSDAY

ROBERT MUGABE

THE inflation rate in Zimbabwe last week was reported at 66,212.3 per cent. What struck me about this was the 0.3 of a point. When inflation is as rampant as this, who do Mugabe and his Central Statistical Office think they are fooling by adding this absurd third? The latest figure is up 39,714 points on the November rate and a loaf of bread costs Z$4.5 million – that's about 78.

Mugabe, 84, on Thursday, says it isn't his fault – although he has been in power for 28 years. He blames inflation on western sanctions and businessmen who he claims are working with the main opposition party. Unhappy birthday, Bob.

ALSO THIS WEEK …

Today: Good luck to Lois Barnes, who I met last weekend while staying at the SYHA hostel in Killin, which she manages – she is in the semi-final of Masterchef.

Tomorrow: All eyes on Armenia, where the president, Robert Kocharian, is hoping for a second term.

Wednesday: The strike ballot closes in the British Airways pilots' dispute. Members of the pilots' trade union, Balpa, are deciding whether to strike over refusals by BA to guarantee open access to jobs at its new subsidiary, OpenSkies.

Thursday: Families involved in the Sellafield organ removal inquiry meet in Whitehaven, Cumbria.

The then-trade and industry secretary, Alistair Darling, announced last April that an inquiry would look into the removal, between 1961 and 1992, of organ tissue from 65 deceased nuclear workers, most of whom worked at the Sellafield nuclear plant. The GMB union claims that the plant's owner, British Nuclear Group, did not seek permission to remove the tissue.

Friday: The NatWest Three – Gary Mulgrew, David Bermingham and Giles Darby – are formally sentenced, having admitted a charge of fraud, in relation to a secret investment with former Enron executives. They accepted 37-month prison sentences and agreed to repay $7.3 million (about 3.7 million) in November.