Thankfully, 'Dinosaur Dad' Wayne Rooney one of dying breed

Published on Monday 16 November 2009 09:05

DINOSAURS do still walk the earth, it seems – or at least dinosaur dads do. When new dad Wayne Rooney proudly announced that he had still not changed a nappy 10 days after the birth of his son, Kai, there were sharp intakes of breath all round.

When he said his life had barely changed as a result of the new arrival and he returned to the pitch the day after the birth, the phrase "dinosaur dad" was bandied around.

Surely he was the last of an extinct breed? All dads these days muck in and lend a hand, don't they?

Adrienne Burgess, who coined the phrase "dinosaur dad" in response to Wayne's confession, is head of research for The Fatherhood Institute, which researches and lobbies on issues concerning fathers.

She says he is far from typical of fathers today, but the idea of dads getting involved in night feeds is surprisingly recent. "Dads are much more hands-on with very young babies than they were in the past. Research shows that really clearly.

"I think if this story had come out even ten years ago no-one would have blinked an eyelid. I remember ten years ago when there was the first proposal for paternity leave, there was a headline 'Fathers need paternity leave like fish need a bicycle'. You'd never see a headline like that now.

"People are saying that what Wayne Rooney has said sounds a bit weird, and dads are saying 'I change nappies all the time'."

She says that the legal right to two weeks of paternity leave is still far short of the statutory maternity leave of up to a year, which inevitably leads to discrepancies in the amount of work taken on by parents in the early months of their child's life, but it is also lack of confidence that can put dads off having a go.

She adds: "There's a myth that dad's aren't good at holding babies, but dads have big hands, so they're better at holding babies, they can make a baby feel safe right from the beginning, and a new born baby will turn its head towards the mother's and the father's voice because it's heard them before in the womb, so when you as a dad are holding a baby and you look into its eyes and speak to it, you're helping its transition from the old world to the new.

"A major part of babies' brain development is mutual gaze between the adult and the baby."

Trudi Butler is a parent coach based in Granton. She helps mums and dads through difficult times with their children, and is herself mother to a seven-year-old daughter, and expecting her second child on 27 December. She says that dads are increasingly keen to be hands-on, but mums have to be prepared to make that happen

She says: "Obviously women are still doing the majority of childcare and women are the nurturers, but dads are definitely more involved with nappy changing and so on – if they can get in there without mum saying 'You're doing that wrong'.

"I think it's quite hard to switch off when you're a mum and to sit back when you see dad maybe experimenting a bit at the beginning.

"No mum is able to do it straight away herself, but if she's had more practice it's hard to hold back and not say 'You're doing that wrong'.

"It can soon become so dad doesn't want to do it.

"Mums need to let them do a bit more and it doesn't have to be perfect, it's about the time they spend with their children."

It's a sentiment echoed by Ms Burgess, who says dads are gradually learning that childcare is not necessarily a burden. "There's still not enough information out there explaining that this isn't just a chore, this is the way to your child's heart," she says.

"If you ask Wayne Rooney: 'Are you going to be your child's playmate?' he'll say 'Of course I am going to play with my child' but what isn't ever said to him is that changing his nappies IS play.

"You can't throw a new born baby in the air, and new dads are often very disappointed to find that they can't take on that role quite as soon as they hoped, but changing a nappy the baby waves their legs around, they pee on you and you laugh, you kiss their feet – that's play. I feel sad for Wayne."

Fortunately, he is the exception, according to Fiona Brownlee, founding director of the mumsrock.com website.

She is also full-time marketing director for Mainstream Publishing and has two daughters aged seven and four.

She says: "It's totally unrepresentative of everyone that we deal with.

"Because of paternity laws the mother still feels more responsible, but in terms of my relationship it's probably 60:40.

"I'm probably the one who's more likely to be doing school stuff, but I have a full-time job which involves going away a lot and I couldn't do that if my husband wasn't prepared to pull out the stops.

"Wayne Rooney just isn't really living in this world. If he hasn't changed a nappy it's probably because they've got other people to do it for them, it's probably not all Coleen doing it. It just gives a bad impression. The people who probably look up to Wayne Rooney are probably young parents. I think it's appalling he's giving that image as something to aspire to."

It seems changing a nappy should be well within the scope of all dads, and being a sporting superstar is no excuse.

FATHER TIME

NEW DAD

• Negotiates to work one day a week from home, just like his partner

• Doesn't give up when his first attempt at a nappy falls off

• Is expert at cradling the baby in his hands

• Sees parental tasks as a joy, not a chore

• Talks to his baby long before it can answer back

OLD DAD

• Doesn't lend a hand with the kids when he gets home in the evenings because his partner has just been 'sitting at home all day'

• Thinks women's nasal passages must be made differently if they can cope with dirty nappies, so lets them get on with it

• Thinks he'll look soft if he's seen cuddling the baby

• Grudgingly takes a turn at 'babysitting' for an hour or so when he has to