Tartan fashion should really be kilt off

Published on Wednesday 1 November 2006 12:47

TARTAN - love it or hate it, it's everywhere at the moment! From shoes to gloves, dresses to trousers there is absolutely no getting away from it. You should be wearing a tartan piece or two this season, according to fashion experts.

Or should you? Being a passionate Scot, I love seeing pictures of celebrities wearing the material - most recently at the Dressed to Kilt event in Los Angeles, when designer Vivienne Westwood was honoured for her contribution to tartan and Hollywood stars such as Patricia Arquette and Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberley turned up draped in plaid.

But much as I like to see our Scottish culture being worn by the likes of Madonna and Paris Hilton, it's not the easiest material to wear.

Let me start with the skirts. How does one wear a tartan skirt without looking like a model from a Woollen Mill catalogue? Short tartan skirts are just not a good look on legs that have that tartan, patchy corned beef look all the way up so you can't tell where clothing ends and flesh begins. At this point I have to say when I was about 15 I remember sporting a red tartan A-line skirt with black knee high boots (it was all the rage in the mid-90s). I used to walk about in it thinking I was the bee's knees. However, the fashion only lasted about two weeks.

Victoria Beckham has been spotted out recently with a more up-to-date version of the old mini - a knee-length tartan pencil skirt. Looks great on her size-zero body - if I was to wear it I'd look as if I was about to announce the next jig at the Saturday night ceilidh.

Then we move on to the trousers. Never ever think tartan trousers are acceptable in any fashion situation. Why? Ask yourself would you pick a material made of both horizontal and vertical stripes to cover both legs, ankle to thigh, in? Call me cynical, but I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone, and I mean anyone (celebrities included) that can carry off that look and keep the glamour factor. Not even if you're hosting a party on New Year's Eve should you be allowed to wear such a hideous get-up.

Be honest with yourself, what were you secretly thinking the last time you saw someone wearing tartan trousers?

Where are Glen Michael and the Cavalcade, because his wife has just walked past me? When thinking about teaming this look with a waistcoat of the same tartan, it's nature's way of telling you to put down that glass of wine, you've already had too much.

My mother, I have to say, is a huge fan of tartan. She did have at one point, not that long ago I might add, a wonderful tartan suit. It was Black Watch tartan and she had the jacket, skirt, waistcoat and ski pants (remember the trousers with the elastic that went round your heel)? I'm surprised the Black Watch military police didn't turn up at our house to arrest her for a fashion crime.

You would think that it would stop there, but no, not this season. There are tartan shoes with big bows on them, tartan bags, tartan jackets, tartan cardigans, even tartan underwear. What ever happened to something tasteful, like leopard print?

Underwear has the advantage that only your nearest and dearest will see it - the disadvantage being that it is impossible to feel glamorous in tartan undies. Or so I've been told.

All the above observations, however, only count if you are a woman. Men are a different story. A man in a kilt always looks smart, attractive and handsome. OK, maybe not all men look as good as the man in the Scott's Porage Oats TV advert, chopping wood in the snow in a tight white sleeveless T-shirt and a kilt, but imagine Shane MacGowan, Mr Bean or Wayne Rooney. Now imagine them again, but this time in kilts. See, a big improvement.

Men can even wear tartan waistcoats and get away with it, although it is possible to go too far - I'm thinking of a tartan boiler suit I once had the misfortune to see walking around Princes Street.

So if you're going to go for the tartan trend, tread carefully. Myself, nowadays, the only tartan found in my wardrobe is on four coathangers which my Aunty Joyce bought for me at Christmas a few years ago.

• Hayley Matthews is on Real Radio Saturday 7am - 9am with Kieron Elliot and 9am - 12pm with Steve McKenna.