So what time does Nessie surface and who feeds her?

Published on Wednesday 3 January 2007 00:49

WHEN Robert Burns wrote "to see ourselves as others see us" he had yet to consider the warped view of the foreign tourist. Scotland, it would seem, is a nation bereft of golf courses, where a regular bus runs between Orkney and Shetland and Edinburgh is a suburb of Glasgow.

Tourists to Scotland in 2006 may have displayed excellent taste in their choice of destination, but their research lacked a certain rigour, judging by questions put to VisitScotland and revealed yesterday.

One visitor, who had obviously confused Loch Ness with Sea World in Orlando, wished to know at what time of night the monster surfaced and who fed it. Staff at the government tourist agency had to break the news that Nessie was elusive, if not mythical, and had so far refrained from leaping through hoops.

Another competitor for the award of the daftest question included the tourist who wished to know: "Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?" One tourist, also fazed by Scotland's geography, wanted to know: "Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?" while another asked: "What time does the midnight train leave?"

The small island of Iona may be celebrated around the world as where St Columba founded a religious community, but one tourist was unaware even of its name. Pointing to the island on a map, he asked: "How do I get to one zero NA?"

Even Scotland's celebrated history as the home of golf seemed to have escaped the visitor who wanted to know if there were any golf courses in the country.

Other bizarre questions included: "Can you tell me where the mountain is in Scotland?", "Are there any curves in the roads here, or are they all straight?", and "Are there any Sheena Easton museums in Glasgow?" At least the visitor to Dundee who asked to meet Crocodile Dundee had an excuse - he was a young boy.

Last night Willie Macleod, director of VisitScotland, said: "Our multilingual, expert staff deal with seven million inquisitive tourists a year. Visitors' queries range from the very routine to the absolutely ridiculous and everything in between. But no matter how odd the question, we're always glad to help out."

Among the bizarre questions posed to VisitBritain were: "What is the entry fee for Brighton?" and: "Can I get to Jersey any other way apart from sea or air travel?" One visitor asked: "When's the changing of the guard at the White House?" Another wondered: "What Tube line runs to Edinburgh?"