Grandmother reveals her 20 years of abuse in bid to help other victims

Published on Monday 15 February 2010 09:21

A GRANDMOTHER has spoken out about how she was physically and mentally abused by her husband for more than 20 years – and has only now found the courage to walk away.

The 69-year-old, who wishes to remain anonymous, said her husband repeatedly strangled, punched and tormented her at their home in Edinburgh her until she found the strength to leave him.

She said: "I went to the doctor one day and he said it was time I considered my own life. He asked me if I ever thought it was going to change?

"I was just getting through each day – it was like being in a concentration camp. I was beginning to think this was just my lot in life."

Using her experiences to help other victims, the woman is backing a city council publicity drive to encourage people across the Capital to get help if they are experiencing domestic abuse.

"No Excuse" is launched today and will include adverts on buses, bus tickets and in public toilets and changing rooms, as well as in shops and on radio stations.

The victim said: "My advice to anyone is simple. Do not stay a moment longer – there is help for you, you will be believed and you will get support.

"I feel I have gone from tragedy to triumph."

The grandmother was re-homed by Edinburgh's Women's Aid, a body which has been supporting vulnerable victims of domestic abuse across the city for 35 years.

She sought help just before Christmas after finally walking out of her family home, where she had lived with her husband whom she had met in her 40s.

She described him as a "nice and confident" man at first, yet within the early stages of their relationship he began being abusive to her and her children from a previous relationship.

Physical abuse was routine, as was mental torment, such as making her sit for four hours at a time while he shouted insults.

She said: "And he would strangle me. When a man has got his hands around your throat you do not move. You play dead and if you believe in God, you pray too.

"He never understood the word 'no' – everything had to be done his way. The best times were when he was drunk and went to bed.

"If this was a stranger doing this to you, you'd do something about it. But when you are married and have children and you have nowhere to go, it feels different. I have children and I really felt I had no means and nowhere to go."

No Excuse forms part of the council's Violence Against Women Partnership Strategy (2008-2013), working to raise awareness as well as improving services for domestic violence, increasing reporting and developing the sharing of information.

Councillor Paul Edie, chairman of the Edinburgh Community Safety Partnership, said: "Our message to women who suffer from domestic abuse is that help is available and we strongly encourage you to use it."

WHERE TO FIND SUPPORT

Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline (24-hour helpline): 0800 0271234

&#149 Lothian and Borders Police: 0131-311 3131

&#149 Edinburgh Women's Aid: 0131-315 8110

&#149 Edinburgh Women's Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre: 0131-556 9437

&#149 Shakti Women's Aid: 0131-475 2399