From cars to socks, at 'Ideal Church Show'

Published on Saturday 25 August 2007 01:13

HIS parishioners are probably too courteous to tell him, but the truth about Father Michael cannot be avoided - he is twice the man he used to be.

In a small stall supplying all manner of paraphernalia to the clergy, this priest midway through his sixth decade is battling to fit into an ecclesiastical garment.

Around Father Michael, on display and in catalogues, other customers peruse the numerous holy wares being punted by Shinglers of Sutton.

They range from baptismal bibs and altar wine to oak lecterns and silver chalices, while a Christian children's puppet ministry offers its take on a Proclaimers' song. Sample lyric? "Jesus fed five thousand mouths..."

Welcome to the inaugural Nexus Scotland exhibition, organised by the Scottish Christian Resources Exhibition and the Clyde Presbyteries of the Church of Scotland. It is the Ideal Church Show in all but name, and it concludes today.

Boasting more than 150 stallholders, every religious whim is catered for in Hall Three of Glasgow's SECC.

There are second-hand car dealers and tax specialists who specialise solely in the clergy in attendance. Church Edit, a firm that specialises in building websites for congregations, has a computer running a sample of what it can offer.

To the left of the hall, Alan Kempster stands proudly by his HT-300 Hymnal Plus, a device, so the blurb attests, that provides the "ultimate worship music solution". It is capable of storing and playing thousands of conventional hymns in MP3 or MIDI formats. Plus, services can be jazzed up, courtesy of drum backing tracks.

Mr Kempster's firm, Hymn Technology Ltd, has supplied about 1,300 churches across Britain to date.

"A lot of churches can't find anyone to play, or the organist that does the occasional Sunday isn't always reliable," he said. "Let's face it, a lot of congregations have some old dear who ends up retiring after 60 years of playing."

Nearby, beside one of the many polystyrene images of Jesus on the cross, Margaret Wyllie, another stallholder, must be praying for a miracle.

On a blisteringly hot day, she is trying to flog umbrellas. Not any old brollies, mind you, but ones emblazoned with scripture.

Her main trade though, are socks. Holy Socks. That's the name of the firm she runs from her home in Newton Stewart, taking everyday items and adding Biblical scenes or quotations. Her "Glory Golf Ball" range bear lines such as "I have finished the course. I have kept the faith" from 2 Timothy 4:7.

Ms Wyllie's assessment of the Nexus event and its curious items? "It's one of the most bizarre things, but it keeps on getting bigger all the time," she said. "I get people buying presents for their ministers, priests, and vicars, and the whole industry is taking off."