Lazy Guide to Net Culture: Bullshots

Published on Monday 5 June 2006 16:18

This is truly a historic day.

Over the years of watching the web I have become jaded; a sense of ennui has crept into me, giving me the feeling that I'd seen it all before.

Well, friends, let me tell you that there is something new under the sun. Or, rather, there is something new on my "Stupidest Ways To Die" list. I really thought I'd nailed this one shut quite some time ago. I won't bore you with the whole thing but let me reassure you that potholing is on it, as befits a hobby which can crush, suffocate, drown and starve you … alone in the dark.

However, I have stumbled upon footage of something worthy of inclusion towards the bottom of the list. A disclaimer, this was filmed by professionals. I include it because dying stupidly is still fatal even if you get paid for it.

The clip that made me re-evaluate my "Why Would You Do That?" list features three members of the Jackass team. (That US programme featuring people performing pointlessly stupid and dangerous but somehow vaguely amusing stunts.)

However, it is a snippet of their new vehicle Wildboyz (viewed through YouTube) that has given me my WTF moment.

The bottom of my list now includes skateboarding with crocodiles. This short film features various grinds and jumps over and around some of the most dangerous creatures on God's green earth.

Just knocked off the bottom of the list was wandering around the African bush in a zebra suit. This is actually pretty dull - until the point that "boyz" Steve O and Chris Pontius get attacked by lions. That is pretty funny but I think I spotted some body armour and head protection being warn and to be honest "wandering around the African bush in a zebra suit dolled up like an American footballer" is much less dangerous.

One would hope that these professionals realised that dangerous animals are, well, kinda dangerous.

The woman in the rodeo poker video I found didn't understand what she was getting into. The rules of the game are simple: the players sit round a table in the ring, a bull is released, the last player at the table wins.

Her comment after she had recovered from the concussion is telling: "It never crossed my mind … that would be any danger involved." Hmm, you are about to sit in an enclosed space with a half-ton frenzy of enraged horned fury. Why would there be a problem?

(It has to be said that the clip is gory at the end, so you might want to stop watching two-thirds of the way through as one of the cowboys, who was not seriously injured, got a spectacularly nasty cut to the head.)

By far the most stupid clip I found was on break.com. It claims to feature a man testing a bullet proof vest.

Now, if I was doing that, I’d lean the vest against a tub of water and shoot at it. I would not hold it above my head and invite someone else to fire an AK47 at me.

Especially if they were a bad shot.