John Gibson: ‘Merchi’ is getting a bad name

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Ladies wot lunch. There are a lot of them about. And if we are to believe what we read in the papers, the delightful enclave of Merchiston has more than what’s good for it of women who are plagued by depression or mental illness.

What is it about Merchiston particularly? It is described as one of Britain’s “most affluent” areas. Don’t pester me about “Merchi”, ask the scientists at Sunderland University. They’ve been analysing by post code our health and habits.

The women I’ve seen there, en passant, understand, don’t look abnormal to me. Possibly it’s all in the mind, although the dreaded drink is mentioned as a factor.

Don’t touch the hard stuff, ladies. Certainly not over lunch. Not the way to exorcise your demons, and I’m talking from experience.

Kettle guru

Achtung! Vee haf vays and means of making you whistle. A kettle that looks like Hitler is on the market in the States. Costs £35 and could be delivered to the UK. Made of stainless steel (from salvaged Panzer tanks?) and its a dead ringer for the Führer.

The hair style, helmet and, yes it does whistle. Try hard enough and you might get it to goose-step to your table and whistle Lili Marlene.

Don’t bet on it

Y’all believe you’re cleverer than your columnist and, believe you me, you’re right. So smart with your suggestions. They’re searching for a new sponsor for the Grand National now that the deal with brewer John Smith has run out.

Jambo National and Hibee National are non-starters.