John Gibson: Look on the bright side of life

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So what’s it to be? Your choice of music. I mean, it’s your funeral after all, and don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind. Marie Curie Cancer Care have done a survey and it’s still Sinatra’s My Way favourite the pick of the funereal pops.

But coming up fast on the outside is Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and, would you believe, Meatloaf with Bat Out of Hell!

For yours truly? The 23rd Psalm and, naturally, Vera Lynn giving We’ll Meet Again laldy. Jimmy Shand’s Bluebell Polka has been banned by the European Union. Trust the EU – in at the death.

Log-on dogs

Me and computers, You might say we’re not terribly well disposed towards each other. Our relationship is set to deteriorate further with the news from Open University scientists that dogs are being trained to use a new strain of computers to help needy people answer the phone, turn on lights, switch on the washing machine, etc. Your multi-tasking computer.

Ah, but does it make you a cuppa with milk and two sugars or scramble your eggs?

Afterwords . . .

. . . This is Jeffrey Archer talking – Lord Jeffrey – so pay attention: “There were three strong women in my life . . Mary (his wife), my mother and Margaret (Thatcher). All three had class, a brain and real grit.”

Dame Mary is being tipped to replace the dithering Sir David Nicholson as head of the NHS. Lord Archer, caustic to me when I turned up a minute late for our interview at the Caley Hotel, has a new book out titled Best Kept Secret. For the next one Archer’s Women? Just a suggestion, m’Lud.