Weird Week: Real James Bond villain, and editor gets a good send off
Some of the stranger stories from the news this week
• Accidents happen - even in newspapers. When the odd mistake pops up, it’s customary to publish a correction in the next edition.
So when a newspaper in Oregon wrongly printed a story saying their page editor Bob Caldwell had died in his car at 63, you’d expect them to publish a single line saying they got it wrong and to apologise. No need whatsoever - you’d suppose - to tell the entire readership, and Bob’s widow, that he actually died after a sex act with a woman 40 years his junior who he regularly paid for favours. But that’s exactly what the newspaper did.
It may seem like they used a bit too much information in the story which could soil the memory of the man, but sometimes you’ve got a gap in the paper that you really need to fill. It’s what Bob would have wanted.
• We all know the Gaddafis were evil. Colonel Muammar and his family held Libya in a stranglehold of corruption and repression for decades. His numerous sons, including Muhammed, Saif, Groucho, Harpo, Bashful, and Ringo (I think that’s right) were known to live like international playboys and James Bond villains but just how much has only just come to light.
It turns out that shortly before the fall of the regime one Gaddafi son, Hannibal, had ordered himself a luxury cruise liner with a saltwater tank filled with live sharks.
The opulent vessel would have been able to entertain upto 3,500 guests, with the deadly shark chamber the centrepiece.
Sadly since fleeing to Algeria during the Libyan uprising, Hannibal can no longer afford the ship, so he may have to pretend to be a Bond villain in a more modest craft. I can see it now: menacing his captive enemies as he strokes a white cat, sat in a rubber dinghy while his guards push the prisoners closer to the goldfish bowl.
• Throughout history countless robbers have tried to get rich quick by launching some sort of daring heist. But crime doesn’t pay. Seriously, sometimes even if you get away with it, crime still doesn’t pay.
Especially if you hide in a donation box outside a charity shop so you can steal the second-hand ‘treasures’ to sell at a flea market.
Police spotted criminal mastermind Amy Carr, 37, in the donation box in Ohio this week, where she was rummaging around, intending to sell the stuff other people threw away.
That goes beyond stupidity. How much money did she think she would make after all that? I’d hate to think of someone making money from a pair of old undies I threw away. But more than anything I’d just feel sorry for whoever bought them.
• According to reports this week the UK government is thinking about paycuts for overweight police officers. Bobbies failing the fitness test would see some of their salary taken away.
While some people may think this is a good idea, just stop and think about it for a minute.
The real tragedy here is that our TV cop shows would suffer badly. Imagine how Cracker would have fared - you switch on to watch Fitz’s clinical cross-examination solve a brutal murder case, instead you’re watching Robbie Coltrane wobble his way through the gym uttering sweaty curses at the new fitness policy. And let’s face it, the cast of The Bill would see their salaries decimated.
• Batman’s secret identity has been revealed. No, not Bruce Wayne - that was just to throw you off the scent.
Slovakia’s Zoltan Kohari dons a leather Batman outfit to clean up the streets of Dunajska Streda - quite literally; he sweeps them with a brush and phones the polis if he spots a crime.
A local woman told reporters that former convict Kohari, 26, was a “hero” to her son.
What next? Superman the toilet attendant? Wolverine the bin man?
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Thursday 20 June 2013
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