My seven secrets of survival

Published on Tuesday 8 July 2008 13:08

JACKIE Walker, Scotland's first divorce coach

1 Having passion in my life has allowed me to welcome each day with a buzz and curiosity for what it will bring. This passion can be in your private or work life, but preferably both. Love, hobbies, sports, family, friends – do things you want to do and love to do. It's amazing how much energy you draw from passion. I may still feel physically tired if I've overdone it, but I rarely become emotionally or mentally tired.

2 Yes and no are words that are often confused. Learning which one to use and when has been a Godsend to my armoury. It's about setting boundaries too – knowing what you'll accept and what you cannot. You can't please all the people all the time, but to avoid stress, you should not forget to please yourself – at least some of the time.

3 Attitude takes you a long way in life. Adopting a "can do" one will open doors and offer opportunities which a less willing person just won't see. You may still experience setbacks and disappointments, but with the right attitude you'll be willing to learn, and do it differently, or better, next time.

4 The difference between wanting what you have and having what you want is called gratitude. Every night as I close my eyes, just before nodding off, I reflect on my day and say "thank-you" for 15 things. Even if it's been a tough day, there's always something to be grateful for; the roof over your head, the smile of a stranger, the dog welcoming you home, the car starting, chocolate melting on my tongue, the sun shining, the ability to help a client through a bad time, the love of my girls, my family.

5 I love to de-clutter and I've even been accused of being wasteful by those who prefer to hoard. However, if you're hanging onto stuff that you haven't used or needed or worn in over a year (or three), then what's it doing there taking up valuable space? I give it away to charity, sell it on eBay or recycle as much as I can. This de-cluttering applies to my desk, my computer, my wardrobe, cupboards, garage – everything. I also de-clutter my head and my emotions by writing my feelings down. I use my own techniques so I don't carry excess baggage around. This frees up space to allow new thoughts and feelings to come into your life, which can be more useful.

6 Meditation and relaxation are so ingrained in my life that I can't imagine how it must feel to have a busy head any more. I meditate when I'm walking the dog, sitting on the bus, staring out of the living room window, whenever I can. Contrary to popular belief, its not all about sitting cross-legged and humming "ohm"!

7 I accept my limitations and allow myself to ask for help from all quarters. I ensure I have an extensive network of people to call upon, to help with problems, give advice, or offer an alternative perspective in all fields – professional, personal and domestic. When I'm facing a challenge, knowing exactly who to turn to saves an inordinate amount of time and angst.

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