Mothers admit viewing daughters in more negative light than sons

Published on Tuesday 5 October 2010 15:19

MOTHERS are more critical of their daughters than their sons, claims a controversial survey.

The study of parents across the UK also revealed that a majority of mums view girls more negatively - and are much stricter with them - than boys.

Despite 48 per cent deeming it wrong to do so, almost nine mums in ten admitted treating girls and boys differently, according to the survey conducted by the parenting website Netmums.

Psychological experts said this could explain why women tended to be more self-critical than men as adults.

The survey found that 55 per cent of mothers felt they had a stronger bond with their sons than with their daughters.

The research showed the mothers profiled their children according to gender, with boys being labelled with far more positive traits than their sisters.

Boys are seen as "funny", "cheeky", "playful" and "loving" whereas girls are viewed as "stroppy", "argumentative", "eager to please" and "serious".

The bias held true even for mothers who only had daughters and the survey indicated that the negative perceptions had a direct impact on the way parents treated their children.

• Case studies: 'Mothers and daughters can share things fathers can't. It's a girlie relationship'

More than one in five questioned let their sons get away with more and turned a blind eye to behaviour in boys for which they would reprimand their girls.

This combination of a more critical upbringing and attributed negative personality types can have a long-lasting and serious effect on the female psyche, according to Crissy Duff, psychotherapeutic counsellor.

Ms Duff said: "Women in particular seem to carry the feelings of parental disapproval and negative typing into their adulthood.

"The experience of receiving more negative reinforcements for stepping out of line than their male counterparts can lead women to view themselves as more needing of censure.

"This could be why women are far more self-critical than men, who have a more happy-go-lucky attitude when it comes to making mistakes and moving past them."

Siobhan Freegard, co-founder of Netmums, said: "As a mum of two boys and a girl, I know first-hand that, try as we might, it can be very hard to treat all of your children the same.

"This is a great wake-up call to mums to help break these gender cycles and even out the differences in how the sexes behave and think about themselves.

"It's a powerful call to change the current gender dynamics, which is a huge ask, but an achievable one."

Almost half of the mothers questioned admitted that their sons were mummy's boys, and 27 per cent confessed to loving their boys differently to their girls.

The website, which has more than 750,000 members across the UK, offers advice to parents on treating their children equally.It suggests providing options for youngsters, for example allowing boys to play with a toy kitchen rather than a toy garage and letting girls play with train sets and building blocks.

It also suggests allowing boys to cry and have a cuddle as well as letting girls enjoy a wrestle.