Meet Edinburgh's real-life supernannies

Published on Thursday 23 October 2008 10:01

TANTRUMS, underage alcohol binges and skiving school are not what any parent hopes for from their children.

Most accept that growing pains are an inevitable part of life and brace themselves for some teenage troubles, but none go out of their way to choose to deal with the whole gamut of youthful rebellion.

None, that is, apart from the city's specialist foster carers who volunteer to care for some of Edinburgh's most troubled children.

It may sound like volunteering to be a full-time "supernanny" and most parents' idea of hell.

But those who do offer a secure home to a child who might not know what a normal family life is say the rewards are enormous.

Just seeing a child settle down, make friends, or even just smile and laugh, make it worth all the effort.

Among the children needing such special carers in Edinburgh are ten with "challenging behaviour and complex needs". There are also 50 disabled children waiting for carers to change their lives.

As the city council launches a drive to recruit more carers – be it families, couples, or single men or women – we speak to two very different foster families making a difference to the lives of vulnerable children.

Mike Perry

Mike does not seem like a typical foster parent. As the first single man to become a specialist carer in Edinburgh, the divorced grandfather from The Inch feels like a "trailblazer".

And he is keen to encourage other men to follow in his footsteps.

"The kids I look after have major problems, such as drugs, alcohol or mental problems," he says.

"We had a lot of training, but there are some things you can't prepare for.

"One morning I came into the bathroom and it was covered with faeces. I thought, 'how can you deal with this?' It was a sign of distress. I held my nose and cleaned it up. There's a reason for behaviour like this."

But Mike, 58, says the rewards of caring make up for the hard work. He enjoys seeing children settle down and start to trust him, although at times progress can be slow. He has cared for three boys since he quit his job with British Telecom three years ago.

"The first child had real emotional problems and lots of disturbing behaviour," he says. "It took him a long time to settle down. He was a very angry young boy. He'd lose the plot at the slightest thing. The most important thing is to make sure the child feels safe."

The boy has now moved to long-term care with another family and is settled in a mainstream school. He still visits Mike, and thinks of him as a "trusted friend".

Mike says: "The last boy was the other extreme. He was involved in drink and drugs. That was his lifestyle. He was lively and good-looking, and he knew it. The difficult part was I could work hard with him, but then he'd go home for the weekend and get back on the drugs.

"He used to tell people I was his grandfather rather than say he was in foster care. I think there's still a stigma."

Many children miss their parents and resent being taken from their homes.

"One said to me: 'No offence, Mike, but I don't want to be here'. A lot of kids feel this way. It's very distressing for them to move around.

"People should have no illusions about fostering. It can be very intense as you've got them 24/7. Some kids are at school all day, but one boy was excluded nine times from high school."

It is helpful having a supportive family close by, as well as being part of a strong community, he says. His daughter Angela and eight-year-old grandson live a few streets away. He has received strong support from social workers and regularly meets up with other carers.

"Some people are surprised that I'm a single male carer at first, but I'm quite well-known in the community so they're used to it now.

"I think I worry more about them than I did about my own children. They have big problems and you've got to take them into consideration. But you can tell by their body language when they feel more relaxed in your house.

"We treat them as part of the family. Once they feel safe, then you start to see progress."

Stevie and Arlene Cull

With four children, two foster children and four newborn puppies, life is rarely quiet in the Cull family. Arlene, 33, and Stevie, 38, from East Lothian, have cared for babies, toddlers and teenage mothers since they began fostering 11 years ago.

They say their own children have "grown up with it" and enjoy being part of a large, boisterous family. But it can take several months for the foster children to settle into their new home.

It was when the older of the two boys who are currently part of their extended family hugged Stevie and asked if he could call them mum and dad that they knew they had made progress. At first, he had been uncomfortable with physical contact and would have tantrums for hours on end.

The two brothers, now aged eight and nine, joined the family four years ago. Arlene prepared a photo album, with pictures of their house and bedrooms, before meeting them.

"I think we were more nervous than them! The youngest one cuddled into me right away, but the older one was more distant. That was difficult for me as I'm very mothering. But we had to take it at their pace," she says.

"It took five months before Stevie got a cuddle from him. Around that time, his learning support teacher sent a note home from school, saying he'd never seen him smile so much. It's these little things that make it worthwhile.

"Sometimes it seems like ten steps forward, and eight back. They do have tantrums, and they are always looking for reassurance.

"One boy would keep saying: 'I'm ugly' or 'I'm really naughty'. The kids haven't been nurtured, and had very little self-confidence."

They would often behave as if they were a lot younger than their real ages.

"They have trouble sleeping sometimes. For them, when I left the room, it was as if I didn't exist," she says. "I'd put my perfume on their pillows to remind them that I was still there."

Arlene knew she wanted to care for children when she left school. When she had her first daughter, she decided to become a foster carer so she could stay at home. Six years ago, Stevie quit his job with Lothian Buses to care for children full-time.

They have just moved into a new six-bedroomed house, a few minutes' walk from the children's primary school.

Arlene says: "I think our oldest child, Megan, had to adjust more, as she had to learn to share me with the other kids. But the others have grown up with it. We've had as many as nine at a time, as I was doing short-term respite care.

"They do struggle a bit when the kids move on. When Jessica was a baby I looked after another baby. Jessica was very much a big sister to her for two years. She was depressed when her foster sister moved on. But as soon as she went to visit her in her new home, she was alright.

"Most of the children go on to be adopted and we stay in touch. But sometimes their new families don't want contact, and you have to accept it."

Over the years, Arlene and Stevie have cared for children of all ages, including one 17-year-old mother and her baby.

Although the house can be chaotic, they try to find time to spend with each child.

"Even when it's tough, there are always moments when the children are smiling and laughing," says Stevie. "It certainly beats a nine-to-five job."