Linda Kennedy: If he can master Ikea's tools, he could fix all George's screw-ups

Published on Wednesday 21 January 2009 18:46

'LADIES and gentlemen, companies of the free world. I stand here humbly and tell you my drawers are up for grabs. I will work with you. I will slide with you. Together we can create perfect storage."

So didn't speak President Obama, but only because he hasn't yet realised that redecorating and refurnishing the White House is an opportunity to deepen international friendships.

It's expected of all incoming presidents to revamp the First Quarters, and Congress sets aside $100,000 per term for this overhaul. For Obama, it's ready cash, just waiting to be injected into the global economy. The question is: on what?

Everyone says there's never been a president with such a full inbox. Stands to reason he'll need lots of drawers, too. There's antique stuff there, of course, but Obama has too much on his mind for that. Placing your BlackBerry on a Chippendale cabinet would preoccupy anyone. How durable is it? Will it leave a mark on the polish if it's set on vibrate? And will the furniture be okay? President Obama would be better off buying throwaway stuff, and that offers the diplomatic opportunity. All he has to do is buy from foreign firms.

Immediately MFI comes to mind. Their melamine furniture would tone well with the White House. And Obama likes things that come in threes: usually phrases, but letters will do. M-F-I. Yes, the company is in administration, but Obama can either say snap – he's in administration too – or go snap, with his fingers, and get access to its abandoned stock. One purchase would give MFI a new slogan: "We supply the President's drawers." At the very least, cabinets with a presidential seal might actually close properly. Better, the company would be resurrected and the relationship with Britain bolstered.

But other operators are already lobbying. IKEA set up a replica Oval Office in Washington's Union Station. And their flatpack drawers offer added appeal. If the President can assemble them, confidence in him will soar.

Of course, it's possible that refurnishing the White House is the last thing on the President's mind. But Obama is no fool, and will grasp the advantages of personally overseeing the project. Further home-accessory choices could help the Euro economy, and repair relationships with countries badly damaged by Bush. German towels could go in the bathroom. That black-and-white photograph of Carla Bruni – 'got to show respect to the French, Michelle' – could go up on the wall. But neither an enhanced interior nor political dividends will ultimately guarantee his attention. What will is the chance to announce all this dcor diplomacy. It's already clear that what President Obama can't resist is polishing his phrases.

A bit of broken China for M&S

MARKS & Spencer's store in Shanghai continues to receive a cool reception from Chinese shoppers. Supply problems have led to empty shelves, but is the problem cultural rather than practical? Perhaps Chinese consumers fear the store is too authoritarian: Per Una does sound like the one-child policy. Maybe Erin O'Connor's short, dark hair looks, from certain angles, too much like Chairman Mao. Or perhaps shoppers' reluctance is financial. A meal, a side dish, a dessert and a bottle of wine for ten yuan may be too expensive.

Still, it's early days. Presumably M&S are hoping the Chinese will eventually embrace ready meals – how did we survive before microwaveable rice? – and will soon be tucking into Western dishes with as much gusto as we consume Aromatic Crispy Duck. What will be the Chinese favourite reciprocal ready meal? Count On Us porridge, surely.

&#149 A RATHER odd newspaper headline caught my attention this week: 'Manchester City not to get a Brazilian.' What? Was this ever on the cards? For everyone? That was really going to hurt. Odder yet, this headline was in the sports section. Shouldn't it have been in the beauty pages? Still, nice to see sports editors taking a rare interest in grooming.

I bought the paper to read more about this mass bikini-wax, but have only had time for a quick scan. The word 'Kaka' was featured a lot. Is that the new cry of agony?