Linda Kennedy - Gordon plays his part in the city, but what about the sex part?

Published on Wednesday 19 November 2008 19:04

IF SEX and the City were still on, would Gordon Brown have a cameo role? Glamorous photos showed him in New York earlier this week, striding between its tall buildings, exuding an air of being financial fabulous. He showed confidence. And all the strength the pound doesn't. He seemed at one with Manhattan, not just because his dark circles suggest he doesn't sleep either. Given that stateside the status test is appearing in an iconic TV show, I wondered: would he? And what would he play?

The first cameo option in Sex and the City could be a bit part; possibly a scene where he tells bankers Fifth Avenue will have to be revalued.

A bigger plotline might see Carrie telling Samantha that "Flash Gordon – the English PM" – is in town.

"Why is he called Flash?" she would ask.

"Something to do with a big imaginative package of…" Carrie would answer, reading the front page of the New York Times but the article would continue on page 11 and she doesn't bother flicking on. Samantha would then wangle an invite to one of his speeches where backstage she would demand a flash of Flash's big package.

"Leave me alone. It's a big package of financial aid," the Prime Minister would protest, thinking David Cameron at PMQ was less scary than Samantha on HRT, particularly now Tories have axed speechwriters due to the recession, for what else explains "tax-cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas"?

Or would Mr Brown deserve a leading part? Once it was businessmen and bankers who got the girls. Now politicians are big men. So, if Sex and the City were still on, might Mr Brown even be Mr Big?

Would it be Mr Brown turning up at Carrie's brownstone? "I'd have to move," she'd say. "It's too clingy to live in a building named after him." Would he keep changing his mind and never commit? On that basis, the part is his.

Or is status now conferred by a part in Lipstick Jungle? Given the dramatic name of one character – Victory – Flash Gordon could join the cast here. Or Gossip Girl? Upper Eastside teens wouldn't recognise him, but they'd know a vintage fashion gem when they saw one. One post later, the Gossip Girl blog would reveal the must-have new bag: the red box. Also cast on the basis it was less wooden than the PM.

On that point, you might say Gordon Brown is not an actor. To him Equity is financial. But you never know. "Just act like a Prime Minister," the director would say. Whatever his status in America, a British audience would probably mutter: "This we have to see."

Post G20 to Glasgow

WHY not let Scotland benefit from 'summit tourism' and host the next G20 gathering? Glasgow would get my vote. Leaders of developed and developing nations would be safe in the city and, if the US were jittery about the airport's recent history, Air Force One could land at Cumbernauld – or 'Cummer-nauld,' as Obama might pronounce it, before being corrected and clarifying 'Say, what's it called? Cumbernauld?' One small danger might be the way summits are known as bens in Scotland. 'Obama calls for protection whilst wowing ben,' headlines could read. If so, poor Michelle Obama might fret her husband had changed sides, but not gone Republican.

Besides fiscal stimulus, the main reason the G20 should come to Glasgow is to take place in the suburb which bears the same post code. It would then be the G20 G20, and memorable even if nothing was agreed.

Calls to directory inquiries show an increase in number requests for lap dancing clubs and sex shops. Firstly, did callers actually ask for these places of ill-repute? Another recent story revealed the rising popularity of pawn shops; perhaps the call-centre operators misheard. But in a deepening recession, the bigger surprise is not people were seeking sexy numbers but they sought them through directory inquiries. The thrills were cheap, but the numbers were extortionate.