Lee Randall: Risqué Barbie won't harm minds that are already oh-so active

Published on Friday 18 July 2008 21:42

TEMPESTS in teapots are the best sort. Confined to a tight space, they make a lot of noise, but quickly burst their confines and trickle away. Those with the most teapots, I find, are religious enthusiasts like Christian Voice, a group that recently got its utilitarian knickers in a twist over a special collector's edition doll.

Black Canary Barbie is inspired by a DC Comics superhero and sports fishnet tights, black gloves, biker boots, a PVC motorcycle jacket and pants. Christian Voice says: "Barbie has always been on the tarty side and this is taking it too far. A children's doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible – it's filth."

Puhleese. The outfit exposes less plastic than the Barbie Dive and Style bathing suit. It's infinitely less suggestive than Barbie's sheer pink babydoll nightie (circa 1971), which you can buy online.

Though I didn't have a vast doll collection – hell, I had a poseable baby brother – it included Barbie and Midge (her freckle-faced foil). My parents bought me one with bendable legs, but naturally she was obsolete the minute we drove away from the toy store when Mattel introduced twist-and-turn Barbie.

I was inconsolable, so my cash-strapped folks bought me a new head. Off with the elongated, pony-tailed original, and on popped a "with-it" Sixties model, featuring lavish injection-mould eyelashes, turquoise eye-shadow and a Diana Ross bob.

I even wangled a "Dream House" at Channukah. It was an ingenious bit of cardboard engineering that closed like a steamer trunk and included a built-in bed. The painted-on dcor didn't allow for creativity. Once you'd opened and shut it, sat Barbie on her chair and her bed – well, it had its limitations as entertainment.

The clothes were the thing. Back then they came in something akin to a picture frame, covered with cellophane. I vividly recall two outfits: the dotted Swiss, multi-layer bridal costume was a winner, but the one that still makes me gasp with retrospective appreciation was an orange jumpsuit – strapless and ever so tight around the ankles – surmounted by a magnificent bronze… confection, that gave her Marie Antoinette hips and an air of fascination around the neck and shoulders. Lucy Ricardo had one just like it and I'm sure it enjoyed a second coming with the arrival of Dynasty.

Gorgeous as her clothes were, Barbie was never in them for very long. I can't believe I agree with the zealots, but she actually was on the tarty side, what with those pneumatic Vargas-girl proportions. And because she was so obviously not nice, she offered us a safe place to explore our sexual impulses. Everyone I grew up with played Dirty Barbie.

Here I'd like to inject some erudite quotes from relevant experts to back up my views. I could swear the chap who wrote about the spiritual lives of children also wrote intelligently about their sexual lives. But the most innocent, anthropologically-inspired search on "children" and "sexuality" would land me in jail. Which is too bad, because all normal, healthy kids, kids who've never been traumatised or abused, have impulses; they're curious.

Barbie did a few splits. She bumped hard plastic breasts with Midge. She danced around naked. Then she donned another fabulous outfit and languished on her cardboard chair, while my best friend and I went off to braid the hair of our trolls.

Three inches of PVC and a pair of fishnets aren't a patch on what kids are already thinking about. It's not filthy: it's normal. Normal's good.