Leader: The Neolithic Health Service

Published on Monday 22 September 2008 21:56

ARCHAEOLOGICAL discoveries have allowed scientists to offer a fresh explanation for the building of the mysterious Neolithic monument that is Stonehenge. Rather than forming an ancient astrological device for predicting the solstice, the latest idea is that Stonehenge was a centre of healing. According to Tim Darvill, of Bournemouth University, it was "the A&E of southern England" …

DR UGG: Just put him down there nurse. Another sabre-tooth tiger bite I suppose? Pass me the flint axe and cat gut.

NURSE OGG: What are things coming to, Dr Ugg? There are another six cases of binge mead drinking and four cases of stabbing with a mammoth tusk. And I've been given cheek by that drunken tribe who came down the ley line from Glastonbury. I told them if they want to have a festival, they should start one at home.

DR UGG: Keep your mind on the job, Nurse Ogg. We are already behind on our waiting-list target for cave bear injuries. I told the druids that centralising all medical care in a giant new stone facility and closing the local shaman practices would be a disaster. Never mind the cost of shifting all those megaliths on an expensive PFI contract.

NURSE OGG: We need a bigger budget.

DR UGG: We'll still be saying that 4,000 years from now.