Kirsty McLuckie - It's a dog's life … and death – so no cheating with a facsimile Fido

Published on Tuesday 5 August 2008 20:01

THE art critic Brian Sewell once said that heaven, to him, would be waking up in a bed on which every dog he'd ever owned was lying. This appeals to me; if you fancy going somewhere after death, it's better than floating around in a celestial nightie plucking a harp.

Because the only bad thing about owning a dog is their sell-by date – when you find the perfect mutt, you want to stick with it for the rest of your life. Which has led Bernann McKinney, from California, to stump up 25,000 for five identical copies of Booger, her pit-bull terrier. Scientists in South Korea successfully completed the world's first commercial cloning of a pet dog on her behalf and the resulting pups were unveiled yesterday.

Now, you may be violently opposed to the science that brought this about, or you may believe that the role of environment rather than genetics has much to do with creating a dog's personality. But anyone who has ever loved a dog must have thought about this news story and let themselves dream, just for a second, that their beloved Trixy or Spot could be recreated. McKinney believes that now she has five dogs with the same bodies as their father, she can recreate the loving environment which made her pet the treasure he was.

While I'm tempted by the thought, I'm not about to fly to the Far East with the diggings-up of the pet's graveyard yet, not least because I suspect the exercise would ultimately be a let-down. To get 25,000 worth, the copy would have to be an exact match of one of my dogs with all the character quirks in place, guaranteed. How disappointing if the clone of my terrier mongrel Daisy didn't develop of paranoid fear of radio quiz games late in life. Or the clone of Barney the black lab didn't perform back-crawl up and down the bed, front teeth nipping my legs through the duvet by way of morning greeting. Would my right to claim my money back have run out if my clone of Sam, at the age of 17 and blind, didn't insist on joining in every cricket or tennis game in the garden by standing in the middle and woofing every time the ball hit him?

Even if the five Boogerettes turn out to be exactly like their parent in looks and habits, I doubt the experience of owning them will be a satisfying one for Ms McKinney, as watching a unique personality develop is one of the joys of dog ownership.

And to point out the obvious, if you want a new dog to look like your last dog with a similar nature, just choose the same breed.

Why the long face, Joss?

IT MUST have been one of the most difficult acting roles to cast when it came to making the offer. Would Joss Stone, pretty young soul singer, like to take on the role of Anne of Cleves in the TV dramatisation of The Tudors?

This is – in case Joss doesn't know her history – a woman reputedly nicknamed the Flanders Mare, so unattractive that the lusty King Henry the VIII couldn't even attempt a coupling, despite being married to her, desperate for a spare heir and obliged to have a go for reasons of international diplomacy. Whoever spotted the potential for the fragrant Joss to embody this lumpen dullard has some imagination.

Having said that, it's unlikely the exceptionally steamy series will miss the opportunity of showing some romping, bodice-ripping, Super Duper Love. After 450 years, Anne of Cleves' virginity is in serious peril. I'm sure she'd be delighted.

IN THE light of a BMI attendant on a flight from Aberdeen being arrested for suspected drunkenness, I'd like to reassure the company that none of its staff on the flight from Malaga to Manchester on Sunday were inebriated, to my knowledge. Rude, yes; inefficient and inattentive, yes. Having a laugh with each other over the tops of passengers' heads? Afraid so. As we got up to leave, a young boy accidentally pressed the call button with his shoulder. After shouting down the aisle to ascertain it was a mistake, the attendant rolled her eyes and commented to the rest of the passengers: "Stupid boy." But, no, I don't think she was drunk.