Kirsty McLuckie: Forget the £12.50 a week, but I'll quit smoking for the recognition

Published on Tuesday 1 July 2008 19:40

HEALTH authorities in Dundee, charged with getting smokers to stop, have come up with a carrot policy after years of failing with the stick approach.

The scheme, backed by the government and NHS Tayside, will involve smokers signing up for 12 weeks, having regular breath tests to ensure they haven't smoked, and getting 12.50 in supermarket vouchers for every week that they don't. The idea is that the NHS would save itself millions in the future if they persuade people to quit the unhealthy weed now.

There has been criticism of such bribery. Using half a million pounds of taxpayers' money to persuade people to stop doing something most of the country doesn't do anyway may be seen as unfair. But, speaking as a smoker, I think it will work.

Of course it would be nice if I could stop smoking, because it is bad for me, costs too much, and puts an unfair drain on the health service. But so far I haven't.

I don't desperately need an extra 12.50 a week, but what I would respond to is a scheme which tests my willpower. Having to go to a chemist once a week for a breath test is likely to keep me on the straight and narrow – but then I'm a sucker for making things official.

Nor am I alone; it's why internet dieting sites work. Just the process of typing in your weight each week puts the achievement down in black and white, measuring and proving it. Dieters' meetings fulfil the same function, if you can brave them. And it isn't just the fat and wheezy that appreciate getting a tick in the right box.

Why do people run in an organised marathon instead of jogging to the next town and back? It isn't the poxy medal that drives them to do it, but the recognition that not only can they run 26 miles, but they've done it officially and been recorded as such. Psychologist Abraham Maslow's "hierarchy of needs" states that the need for recognition from others comes before the ultimate goal of self-actualisation. This may well be true, in which case most of us never reach the top level, but spend our lives striving for the equivalent of a gold star on the classroom star chart, not inner peace.

Virtue may well be its own reward and I admire people whose sense of achievement in themselves leads them quietly to go about their impressive deeds without a cheer or a pat on the back. But if I'm going to do something as monumental as giving up smoking, then I need a little recognition. It's just a shame that the rules stipulate the 12.50 voucher can't be spent on alcohol.

Now for a credit crunch with real bite

INFLATION affects everything. A survey out this week says that children now receive an average 1.22 under their pillow per lost tooth, an increase of 16 per cent in just a year.

But this figure disguises a market in which values have rocketed and slumped over the past decade. My youngest received the astronomical sum of a fiver for his last dental offering. On closer analysis this was due to the tooth fairy not having change at 7am.

It was explained to my son that teeth values can go down as well as up, but on the strength of the June 2007 valuation he took out a 100 per cent secured loan on the upper left incisor.

This was a mistake; despite wobbling for some weeks, it's not shifting. And now the new tooth waiting to move into that space is threatening to pull out of the deal altogether.

Maybe the older generation is right and it's better to rent.

• THE story of 12 million bees accidentally set free on Canada's biggest highway after their lorry overturned should give rise to a new simile, I feel.

To add insult to injury, a torrential downpour apparently kept them from flying away, as bees don't like rain. Commenting, the vice president of the New Brunswick Beekeepers Association said the insects would quite likely be angered by their ordeal: "You certainly don't want to go walking through a field of disoriented, agitated and wet honey bees."

My new simile? Forget "Busy as a bee". How about "As understated as the vice president of the New Brunswick Beekeepers Association"?