Kayt Turner: 'It could almost make dour Scots think good neighbours could indeed become good friends'

Published on Thursday 24 June 2010 14:00

IT'S strange the things that are markers in your life. The personal milestones that you use to mentally tick off the years. Birthdays. Anniversaries. First days at school. Last days at school. It's only when you look back that they seem to have whizzed past in a blur.

Then there are the national - and even international - events. Royal weddings, moon landings, world cups and Olympic achievements. Momentous occasions that band us all together as a nation, giving us all a collective marker. As I'm sure you already know, one such event occurred last week. The 6000th episode of Neighbours.

I confess I was a fan. Obviously, that I was at all able to watch TV in the middle of the day helped. This was mainly because the morning screening happened to coincide with the end of my shift. It was the perfect 'switch-off' viewing as I had my late breakfast. All that sunshine could be infectious. It could almost make us dour Scots think that good neighbours could indeed become good friends - well, almost.

But that much bonhomie can be deceptive you know. Not long after Neighbours started, I had to spend a couple of months recuperating at home after an operation. That's when I discovered the reality of the Australian acting profession. The truth that they try desperately to keep from the rest of the world.

I stumbled across this purely by accident. My range of movement was almost non-existent, so TV was pretty much my whole day. I might start watching Neighbours, doze off for a bit and then wake up to see the same characters. Initially I thought I had only closed my eyes for a minute or two - but, strangely, all the actors were now in period costume and were talking about the war. After another momentary nap, I would come to, only to find that they were now all in the Outback, getting ready to fly planes. At first, I put it down to generous quantities of Class A prescription drugs, but soon the truth became apparent. Be it The Sullivans or the Flying Doctors, the entire country has only ten actors - and one of them is Bouncer.

But I was still bewitched by the antics of the Erinsborough inhabitants. And I was far from the only one. My little brother was another avid viewer. At first, he hotly denied it. Apparently, he explained to us all, it just happened to be on as he was passing through the room - twice a day for 20 minutes. Then he claimed that he was only watching for the bathing beauties.

But he finally had to admit the full extent of his interest when we found him crying during Scott and Charlene's wedding. Not a delicate trickle of tears running down his cheek. Oh no, we're talking heaving sobs. Even now, the first few bars of Angry Anderson's Suddenly will bring a lump to his throat.

It might not be Chekov, but it certainly isn't the depressing dirge that is being beamed from Walford. Truth be told, Mr Turner still refuses to have that in the house because it's so determinedly despondent.He feels he ought to get the Leonard Cohen records out every time he hears those drumbeats. Give us a bit of sunshine and some Aussie swimsuit action any day of the week.