Just be glad Arnie isn't terminating Giffnock's budget

Published on Tuesday 6 May 2008 20:41

I HAVE never been to America. On my list of must-see countries, the US is neatly sandwiched between North Korea and San Marino. Kids in my classes love the country, because they have been to Disneyland and met a three-dimensional Mickey Mouse. Who says that cartoon heroes have no depth?

I am sure America would make me feel welcome. After all, most Americans can quote verbatim the bit of doggerel scribbled at the bottom of the Statue of Liberty:

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

To the already impressive list of tired, poor, wretched and persecuted, we can now add Scottish teachers because I have learned that there is something of a mini exodus of them crossing the pond to live the American Dream. A young female colleague of my acquaintance, who shares my surname but unfortunately is not my wife, is swapping Caledonia for North Carolina. She has not said so, but my guess is that she is secretly gutted to be departing these shores at such an exciting time in Scottish education, what with the scrapping of Standard Grade and the impending implementation of the Curriculum for Excellence.

She is going to the States for the experience, certainly not for the money. In the Sunshine Belt, a teacher's salary is around $36,000 (20k) but the cost of living is much lower. Thanks to the collapse of the sub-prime market, houses are currently selling like maggot-infested hot cakes, so finding a crib should not be difficult. Language could be problem, but I am sure the kids at Forrest Gump Junior High will soon catch on to her Tayside twang. Most will find it cute to hear their Scots maths teacher saying "yin and twa" when referring to cardinal numbers.

Class size in Charlotte is much the same as here for maths and English, around 25 students, but in other ways the schools are different. For example, the school principal deals with all disciplinary matters. To see this strategy in action, watch The Simpsons and see Principal Skinner berate that scamp Bart. Apparently, there is much emphasis on sport but the sight of herds of morbidly obese Americans waddling down sidewalks undercuts that particular claim.

I think some of the teachers who have signed three-year contracts are looking at the US through rose-tinted shades. Education is under severe pressure in many parts of America as state governors struggle to balance the books. A low-tax economy boosts entrepreneurs but limits the funding of public services. In California, school students wash cars to earn dollars for textbooks. Governor Schwarzenegger proposes a 4 billion cut in the education budget, a move that will terminate the employment of more than 10,000 teachers. In Scotland, the SNP Government is Wendied by Ms Alexander over a decision taken by the headteacher of Gleniffer High School to only offer two Advanced Higher courses next session. At the risk of being controversial, I think the Californian experience brings some much needed perspective to the alleged slashing of Renfrewshire council's education budget.

Violence is an ever-present danger in US schools hence the presence of cops on campus. I certainly would not want to fall out with the disaffected teenager sitting at the back of the class with the Vietnam-vet stare. In some dinner halls, food arrives on a polystyrene plate and is eaten with a plastic knife and fork. Anything that could be used as a weapon is neutralised, hence even the apples are pureed. On the upside, in some schools, students are arrested for loitering if they are too slow in moving to their next class.