John Gibson: Trams fat cats ready for the gravy train?

Published on Thursday 30 October 2008 08:49

BRASS monkey weather. But if you see 13 fat cats sharpening their claws, rubbing their hands out there, it's trams firm TIE's executives and they sure ain't rubbing their hands to keep out the chill.

Oh no, they're so doing in anticipation of the 3 million in bonuses they've been promised. And any bonuses, we're told in a pathetic attempt to placate us for the intensifying "inconvenience" as the upheaval drags on, will "reflect the performance and the work done".

We can tell don't-give-a-toss TIE that the natives are not merely restless, they're apoplectic as the city is fissured virtually by the day.

For the raping and pillaging of Leith Walk alone, those bonuses should be binned.

Meanwhile, that ho-ho-ho you're hearing isn't Santa Claus, it's Wily Willie Gallagher (his salary has doubled in a year to 170,000).

He's leading the rush to pile on to that gravy train. Got your stockings hung up yet, chaps? The train must look even more attractive tinselled.

On the ball

Every clubhouse has one. A walking, talking golfing encyclopaedia. Nothing about the game he doesn't know.

Well, here's a wee teaser that might well catch the wise guy out in the locker room at Prestonfield, Kilspindie, Craigentinny or wherever. Even Muirfield or Archerfield, by God!

What's the average number of dimples on a golf ball? If smarty says 336, he's not the bombastic balloon you thought he was.

Send you to sleep

Boring snoring. But for her riveting Sunday newspaper sermon I'd never have known that the other Sabbath was National Sleepyhead Day in Finland.

When I woke up, Shandi Toksvig was telling us she was contemplating taking drugs. In a glass? Or powdered?

If by syringe, I volunteer to give her the needle. Stay with the soft drinks, my luv.

Afterwords . .

. . . This is Tom Jones talking and, yes, it is unusual: "I pray every night by the bed before I go to sleep. I say 'look after my family and my friends and band members and all the people who work with me. And thank you for giving me this voice. Please may I keep it for as long as I live.'" May I add "amen"?