John Gibson: The pies are booked, and so is the jazz

Published on Tuesday 11 November 2008 08:44

WHEN Jeffrey Archer has a Christmas party in his Thames-side penthouse it's shepherd's pie and Krug. When Tom Ponton has one, it's meat pies, broon sauce and beer. And jazz.

Contrast, too, in the location. Former Edinburgh City councillor turned business consultant, Mr Ponton holds his soiree in his Candlemaker Row watering hole, the Oz Bar. This has become a fixture on the Capital's winter jazz calendar.

"This might be our tenth year or more. The party's now expected of me, the more so since I'm a long-serving member on the Jazz Festival board. Although we're pushed for space in the Oz, I've been sending out a hundred invitations and 120 would turn up.

"This year I've been more selective, with about 60 on the list for the end of this month. On reliable recommendation I'm importing the pies from Fife for a change.

"Again I'll rely on the Gus Ferguson Jazz Band for the music. Afraid we can't aspire to Krug but if Jeffrey has any to spare he knows where I am."

No Krug. Any crooks? A wry smile from Mr P: "Who's to know these days?"

Gone bananas

Experts at Edinburgh's Butterfly and Insect World "near Lasswade" (Lasswade? That's a planet away) are imploring spider fans to hand over their tarantulas to allow visitors to handle the terrors.

My advice to these authorities in white coats: stop bugging the spideristas. They've enough on their minds with the crunch and Christmas ganging up on them. Solve the tarantula shortage yourselves simply by checking every bag of bananas at the supermarket. Bound to find one lurking there.

Me, I run screaming at the sight of a creepy-crawly in the bath. They call it arachnophobia. They seem to love the coal.

Afterwords . .

. . . Clint Eastwood going ahead and making our day: "Everyone has to be a star now. But even that's not enough, you have to be a superstar. Where does it end? You can't be a model, you're a supermodel. I figure I'm just a guy doing pictures, that's all. I'm trying to tell stories and I do the best I can with them and if somebody thinks they're OK, fine. If somebody doesn't, then that's their opinion and we move on from there."