John Gibson: Stand by for lift-off with Sir Fred

Published on Friday 19 June 2009 09:37

HANDEL with care. This year the Bank of Scotland Fireworks (September 6, get it in the diary) again features the Scottish Chamber Orchestra. They'll make it an all-Handel affair.

Your programme, folks: Music for the Royal Fireworks, Zadok the Priest, Hallelujah Chorus and Arrival of the Queen of Sheba.

If Sheba is shunted into the Waverley and she's travelling with Scotrail, one hopes she won't be late.

By the way, George Frideric Handel's life spanned 1685-1759. Doubtless you knew.

You are learning here and now, though, that the really grand finale will star Fred the Shred Goodwin strapped to a giant rocket, fired from the Castle ramparts amid a flurry of RBS notes bearing his portrait.

Tattybye, Sir Fred, tattybye . . .

Little wonder

Just 'cos he's a wee smout, dwarfed by his ten-feet-tall fiancee Sophie Dahl, doesn't mean diminutive Jamie Cullum's a bad person.

Think Bernie Ecclestone, think dinky Paul Daniels, think our eternal chum Ronnie Corbett and, if you recall, movie cowboy hunk Alan Ladd, who needed a box to stand on to get on his horse. There is, too, tiny Tony "Time Team" Robinson.

Maybe not so tiny, it's just that he often seems to be in the pits with the programme.

Bloody fine piano player, Jamie Cullum, by the way. Kitten on the keys from birth.

Talking of the smaller people, how lofty would you guess the BBC's chief economic correspondent Hugh Pym is?

About time

Gunfire. The time ball on Calton Hill, after lengthy repair, is set to resume its relationship with the One o' Clock Gun on 14 August. You'll have no problem remembering the date, two days after you've bagged your first grouse of the season.

Incidentally, a lot of us fondly remember Tam the Gun, who passed away in November 2005.

Afterwords . .

. . . Top Gear is revving up for the new series, starting Sunday. I vowed never to watch the show again after Jeremy Clarkson referred to the Prime Minister as a "one-eyed Scottish idiot". Then again, what the hell!