John Gibson: Seemed like a big tram scam to me

Published on Wednesday 22 July 2009 09:52

I'VE been reading somewhere – by God, I do believe it was in this paper – that the "cynically-minded" might suspect that TIE, the tram people blighting this city, nipping our heads, orchestrated a lunch for a posse of ex-tram drivers in their dotage, purely as a propaganda exercise.

They were briefed to fondly recall the good old days on the tracks, thereby improving the tarnished image of the individuals organising the current cock-up in installing the new system.

Dead right. I'm one of the cynically-minded who outnumber TIE's support 100-1. And I know what I'm talking about. My dad, besides being an instrumentalist (drums in his ears), was a conductor. Not of the London Philharmonic, rather on the 12s between Joppa and Corstorphine out of Leith Depot.

Yes, the most blatant propaganda scam since Ribbentrop worked for Hitler.

Healthy choice?

Burnham at the stake? Hardly looks the part, does he? I mean, are you happy with Andy Burnham as the UK's Health Secretary?

In charge of the nation's well-being and, at his age, what's he done, where's he been? Has he had measles of mumps? Or an upset tum? Has he had a head cold, even?

Have another gander next time he's on the box and if you can answer yes to all these questions, you're in the wrong job. Personally, I find a few red hot chilli peppers and a pint of lager work for a gut upset.

Eyes on the pies

A national piedemic. Be you Hibby or Jambo and if you're drawn away in the first round of the Cup this season, pray you have to travel to Clachnacuddin. Because the Highland Leaguers have scooped the best football pie bauble in the British Pie Awards.

The nationwide championships held in Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire, attracted 511 entries. So Clachnacuddin's the ground to be to consume the yummiest ritualistic half-time pie and Bovril. Tynecastle and Easter Road? Never in the hunt. Nary a crust.

Afterwords . .

. . . spilling from Joan Collins: "The body is like a car, the older you become, the more care you have to take of it – and you don't leave a Ferrari out in the sun."