John Gibson: It could be I've got a hang-up here

Published on Tuesday 26 May 2009 09:17

SHADES of Mussolini. But that was a long time ago. Tom Farmer finds himself hanging from a lamppost at the foot of Leith Walk.

He is one of the natives, the achievers, who've made a name for themselves and the port. Accordingly they're currently being splashed on banners down there.

"Surely," Sir Tom believes, "you'll be one of the worthies so recognised." Not so. One needs valid credentials, so to be considered a comparative non-achiever is perfectly understandable.

While the port's in the frame, I see it has been dragged into the engrossing exes scandal. The Tory MSP Nanette Milne has claimed a 28,627 mortgage for the Leith flat she bought for 147,500, now worth 175,000. Profit 27,500 on her second home.

The train now arriving at Leith Central station is the Gravy Train. Presumably the fragrant Nanette qualifies for a lamppost.

Looks in vogue

Something for the girls. The painstakingly-preserved editor of Vogue, Alexandra Shulman, is saying: "While men may not be particularly delighted with their physiques, they don't appear to indulge in the self-flagellation that women inflict on themselves.

"Women find their hips too big, their bosoms too small (or too big), their thighs too wobbly, their arms too fat. Mostly they are not the person in physical terms that they wish they could be." Ladies, is life worth living?

Meanwhile, the lusty-lunged Katherine Jenkins, modesty itself, is saying: "The press began calling me the Forces' Sweetheart because I'd sung on VE-Day. It was a lovely compliment but I felt I hadn't earned it."

You're quite right, dear. You might not have had Vera Lynn's approval. Lusty Lungs Kath, who recently bought a multi-million pound pad in London, goes on about her walk-in wardrobe: "I have so much stage wear, there's a room just for my dresses."

Wow! She does, almost, wear them well.

Afterwords . .

. . . Hope it didn't slip your mind. Andrew Neil was 60 last Thursday. I sent him a card saying "Jeesus, Andrew, is that all you are?" I addressed it "Andrew Neil, London." Presumably it got there.