John Gibson: You're not getting the vote, mate!

Published on 20/04/2011 11:18

Sorry, mate, you're not on! The night Alex Cole-Hamilton's vote-for-me prod for Edinburgh Central flopped through the letterbox, his co-leader was on the Six O'Clock News, Vince Cable.

Vince rhymes with mince. That's what he was talking on immigration. He was having a let-'em-all-come-in rant. The LibDems are bad news, indeed for Westminster, for Holyrood.

So Mister Cole-Hamilton, you're guaranteed a no-no from me. I've always been wary of double-barrelled surnames. Like Vince, who mostly mouths mince, you could end up with your head buried in the sand, mister.

Roll those eggs

Hey, Hitler would have been 122 yesterday. But that's by the way. Who gives a stuff whether the Last Supper was held on a Wednesday or a Thursday? A stuffed shirt at Cambridge in his new book plumps for the Wednesday, a day earlier than claimed in the Good Book.

Listen, as long as everybody - the shirty dozen - sat down to a good tightener and a bevvy, who cares? It's Easter this weekend. Let's enjoy. Let's get mucked in to the hot cross buns and swill them down with a stiff refreshment.

Could the nutty professor, royalties in mind, be egging us on to purchase his tome?

Pocket man

Don't make money your god, son, my dear old mum would say to me, and living up to her advice hasn't been easy. It does seem to be an ongoing struggle for Elton.

Come off it, my man! You could comfortably clear our national debt with your bank book, yet you appear to be doing your brains in raking it in when, one imagines, you've no need. You could be stretched out with your sun hat and flip flops on the beach at Porty enjoying life.

He has just clinched a three-year deal in Vegas at Caesars Palace. His previous stint at the hotel ran for five years up to April 2000. Currently he's touring the States, prior to a slew of European gigs starting May 24.

I'm invariably tempted to gossip about Elton every time I see Davie Paton, his former lead guitarist, but Davie has enough to do with his Jam House gig in Queen Street.