John Gibson: Say Al, how about this £6 billion?

Published on 15/04/2011 12:09

Next time you see Alistair Darling in the street, and he lives locally as you know, don't hesitate to tap him on he shoulder or tug at the eyebrows and ask if he's happy having palmed six billion to skint Portugal.

He signed Britain up to this through an EU plot while he was Chancellor. Chances are, though, you won't bump into Al while he's out for the messages. He'll have them delivered.

Paying for it

If you spot a flash set of wheels parked regularly at the ERI or Western, chances are the owner is a consultant and chances he's on 150,000 a year minimum. And that's from his NHS work alone. We have to hope he doesn't leave his car keys in some patient's stomach.

If the consultant is a woman, that's improbable but I'll take her phone number anyway. Meantime, keep taking the pulse.

Sick notes

Life is an incurable disease. So Abraham Cowley uttered, for posterity it seems. I've just read it somewhere. I don't know who the hell Abraham was.

But the disease he was talking about, I'm sure I've caught it and there nothing you can take for it. No pill. No potion. So should I worry unduly talking about it?

Afterwords . .

. . . No more Mister Nice Guy. Hard to be sympathetic when we hear Tiger Woods bleating: "I am trying to become a better person." Me, too, Tiger. It's never too late. But it ain't easy. Fact that the 35-year-old divorced father of two reportedly will have banked a billion dollars by the end of this year invites a shredding of his sympathy card.