John Gibson: Let's get the ringers up to give us a tune

Published on Thursday 14 May 2009 09:42

ANYTHING to escape the brain-mashing monotony of church bells (remember what they did to Charles Laughton) has to be welcomed.

So, brothers, let us praise Liverpool Cathedral for relieving that monotone on Saturday when its bells ring out a universally anthem composed by a native of the city, John Lennon.

Imagine There's No Heaven will peal on the Cathedral's 13 bells, the highest and heaviest peal bells in the world. A Cathedral ringer/23-year-old music student will lead his eight-strong team for this recital.

While the cloth-eared clergy predictably are unsupportive, they concede Imagine is a song for peace. Anyway, Yoko approves.

Oh that St Mary's Episcopalians here at Edinburgh's West End would appeal to Liverpool's likely lads to come up here and show their tuneless, essentially unmelodic ropey old ringers how its done. Your suggested tune titles on a postcard, please.

Trough justice

Out to beat the cistern? A proper don't-mess-with-me hard man Dr John Reid looked when he was Home Secretary.

But a big softie at heart, judging by the purge on MPs exes and the revelation of what he was doing at the trough last year, billing taxpayers for furnishing his flitting to a Glasgow flat.

The good doctor (doctor?), Celtic's chairman, reportedly included on his shopping list a 199 pouffe (every home should have one) and a "black glitter toilet seat".

Pray, how does it feel perched upon a lavish lavvy seat? One imagines such top-of-the-range pampering raised Reid to the realm of Elton, or Jacko or even Gary Glitter.

Picture it now, former granite-faced Cabinet minister Reid sitting there visualising himself some day squatting on Labour's throne.

Time for an intense interrogation before we flush it all way.

Afterwords . .

. . . Sir Michael Caine, who can't wait to see Brown's Government dumped: "A political party that's in too long is like a piece of meat. If it's there too long it will go rotten and they've gone rotten and they've gotta go."