John Gibson: Garry's two tickets from Mick Jagger Veg starts with P Afterwords . .

Published on Wednesday 18 November 2009 09:20

THE night was bitter, the bar had lost its glitter, and all because of the man who'd gone away. After 11 years as a barman in the Balmoral's Palm Court lounge, Garry Rogers says he was "obliged to leave".

Pity, because his presence there provided a precious touch of class, a kind of "reassurance" if you like, expected of a five-star room.

Nobody in Edinburgh can rival his experience, most of it at the very top of his profession. Fourteen years at Turnberry, 17 at the Caledonian's classy Pompadour, and the past 11 at No 1 Princes Street.

Garrulous Garry (born in Dorchester, the town, not the hotel) is a showbiz and cinema buff, so much so that he conversed authoritatively with his celeb customers on their Edinburgh visits, among them Clint Eastwood, Mick Jagger (slipped him two tickets for the Stones at Murrayfield), Celine Dion, Frankie (Four Seasons) Valli, Tony (Downtown) Hatch.

But Alfred Hitchcock was the movie director who got away. "I'd have given the world to shake hands with Hitch. To me he was God."

Garry's not for retiring. He plans to keep polishing the glasses, not necessarily in hotels. "Standards generally have deteriorated in my experience. Seeing people in trainers, baseball caps and tieless in five-star establishments are depressing signs of the times."

The drinks trade won't allow somebody with his expertise to be lost to the industry. He's on the phone. Try Butterfield 8 and ask for Miss Taylor.

Are you sitting comfortably? Tomorrow is World Toilet Day, so mind what you're about when you're in the lavvy. No need to remind you to wash your hands. You always do.

By the way, we have a suggestion from the National Trust. They are advising men to pee on their compost heaps to help fertilise their gardens, and save flushing the lavatory.

Wee-wees work wonders on the vegetables, I'm informed. Women aren't advised to try it. Male wees are preferred to female because it's slightly less acidic. See you later, urinators.

Phyllis Schofield's smile would melt a Yorkie at a thousand yards. But those are her own gnashers, it's been confirmed.